I regarded the four complementary initiations I was talking about in the previous chapter as sufficient. I took them into my further life about which I did not know yet in what details it would go on. Nevertheless, I had will to hand the teaching down to seeking people who would apply me for it. Still, I did not stand in life as a seraph who "attained" in form of absorptions, but as a human reborn within myself who was still undergoing the processes of a general regeneration on the physical level. Off and gone was the power guiding me through the states of the spiritual glorification, that power enabling me to lift more than two metric centners and a half a short time before my realisation. I felt my body subtle rather than resisting and I had to be careful of myself plus to cure myself by means of a certain way of living for the next eleven years. Otherwise, I was better off in the outer life, too, chiefly thanks to the knowledge that even a good social grade may not necessarily provide the man with the possibility to be useful more than just by tiny earnings which could serve to appease hungry stomachs of the next of kin.
So I calmed myself down more and more and that made also refreshing influences meddle into the mystical processes. And if some of the robust mystic and magic powers disappeared, they were balanced by incomparable clairvoyance and understanding that I attained. All this contributed to harmonizing all of the powers of my being, and thus I could more and more rest under the canopy of divine seeing and hearing.
And what about all the discontent springing from unsatisfied desires? Was I rid of it? Oh no, far from it. And so, under a more favourable constellation of subjective experiencing, further mobilizing of the motive psychological powers was gradually beginning to occur. Slowly and imperceptibly, at least judging from the actual physical condition and from the state of feelings.
The fiery waves would turn up only rarely, but I would endure them with more and more difficulty. After less than two years the last wave came up.
I was walking along the balk towards the home where I had come back as a visitor just three months before my entering the mystical path. The home which I had left nearly two years ago and, which I later built up for my mother as the step-father had reduced her to poverty completely; the home which I later adopted as my own refuge. --- I was feeling it again. And as I was enfeebled I was afraid of it. But the fiery wave came again.
I half-fainted and when the wave was over – and it did not last long – I was looking into my body with the cognition that it was completely burnt out already. Only the experience of the previous time did not let me believe it was really the last fiery wave.
But what can be done if we live in the whirl of unchangeable processes? I slowly came to the normal consciousness and was remarkably vivid and strong if I had ever been strong at that time.
The divine light assumed more definite forms, and the chaos of the Great Realization seemed to disappear irrevocably. If it were really so, I thought. All I needed was to convalesce.
Soon I gave notice from my work, for I did not feel strong enough to do it, and decided to take an easier, though lower-paid one. I moved home and found a job in a cooperative; I was supposed to work only something more than 30 hours a week.
I was living the best period of my life at that time. A divine company lived with me --- unspeakably tender feelings of gods, natural spirits and various beings of the spiritual world touched me and the light of the sparkling atmosphere remained with me. All this began with a wave that was, however, different from those previous, fiery ones.
I went to bed and, as usually, expelled from my mind and consciousness everything connected with the world – both in thoughts and in feelings and in all states – everything mundane which we can find in the being as reflected in moods. When my mind and consciousness were clear, I was seized by stiffness. But this one was not like the one that came over me at the time the burning fire would turn up. This was a stiffness coming from a tension of probably electromagnetic kind, which, however, was pure and "white". Besides, the beginning of the feeling connected with it was not positioned in the head but in the legs. But neither did this calm me down. I could still remember the horrible states coming from the waves of fiery nature and I was afraid of them as of ruining states.
But nothing like that came up. The feeling of stiffness was proceeding from the feet to the head; as it was getting into the trunk, I could find out that it was of quite different nature than all the previous states, so I just observed everything. --- The stiffness turned into a feeling of strength, refreshment. Immediately after (that stiffness) came light, purification of the head (brain) and a feeling of some sort of regeneration. As it proved later, that was the last state of the realization in the sense of the pulsation of uncontrolled vital force.
Some time later I suddenly saw a rose-bud raising in my breast. It was slowly coming into flower spreading such a fragrance that people thought I perfume myself with some rose-scent. And the rose-flower was gradually maturing, its petals were getting longer, burning like flames, until the whole rose burned out traceless. And an intensively invigorating and beautiful living memory remained in me for long years. Well, the whole process lasted about half a year, after all.
In work, however, I was among social democrats. An awful milieu for someone living the way I lived. It seemed to me as if I were somewhere in hell and, quite often red flames flashed up before my eyes as symbols of the sphere to which those followers of materialism adhered without having fear of the consequences of this attachment, fear that I would have plunged into also if I had been one of them, even with regard to the merits that I had gained through my hitherto life.
One of the co-workers heard of me I was a "spiritualist". Quite a reason for an amusement for this group of people. I could resist a lot, but I remained speechless with incomprehension over how somebody can become a slave to such a terrible karma to impose on oneself blame by an inappropriate behaviour against God, the Truth and holiness.
I was thinking: I wonder if the people of today are really so degenerated that they adhere keenly to infernal creatures. Well, I came to know. Poverty isn’t only a result of immediate ranking of the human society but it is a sigil of the karmic set-up that man has obtained as a result of a certain moral disorder. I could identify it as a logical consequence of particular deeds, and my knowledge suddenly increased. I saw through that if those people are afflicted as they are, then the rich people are affected by different karmic afflictions.
Then I did not envy anybody any more. I saw suffering everywhere and my aversion turned even against my bloodless company residing in the flickering atmosphere around me.
I defended myself against the invectives either way, and to one word "spiritualist" I replied: "Well, but what about you who have gotten over the superstitiousness. I can tell you that somewhere in the south in the sea a volcano erupted right now. You may read it in the newspaper."
They did not forget about this statement, and soon the manager came saying: "Leave him alone, the volcano story was true."
How could I find it out? I have seen such sudden occurrences in my chest. Just in that moment I saw in my chest a rough sea level and the eruption of the volcano Krakatoa.
One bad presage came later, the importance of which I underestimated, because my attention was directed in quite another direction. --- I just finished my exercise and went to bed to sleep. I turned myself on my right side when, suddenly, I heard something like a rustle. I looked back and saw a giant figure more than two meters tall, whose body was not of solid outlines, but it was determined by a rippling condensed plastic substance, by a blend of fire and air. "Don’t be afraid," he said, "I am Mercury and I am coming only to tell you that Saturn who had the positive effect on the human world 30 years ago will now come to punish the humanity."
The creature disappeared and I became agitated. My calculations showed me that Saturn would be the magical ruler in 1930 and it would get into the opposition with the Sun sometimes in June that year, so I decided: It will be a beginning of an evil era. --- What was 30 years ago I did not know. The tradition, however, said that there were "golden times" before the First World War.
There were a great number of such predictions at that time, but this one concerned my person in the lowest degree. Therefore I can exclude any influence of some fancy, I am sure. After all, that appearance completed my direct visions giving more immediate and thus more fearful impressions. I saw myself always in those times, which loomed before my eyes, as a surge of darknesses bumping one against another in mighty waves, whereas in the human world they were reflected as the highest personal danger and uncertainty for every individual and thus also for me.
All that would have appeared to me as unrealisable had I looked at the whole situation with the eyes of the present time. Practically an absolute freedom and a relative contentment did not allow assuming that the circumstances could get altered that substantially. It was not until the enforcing power of the "Third realm" showed what all could happen; yet neither the lawful – or better to say unlawful – hand extracted the evil out of such depth the presages and visions did.
Only now, that the foot of communism demon is treading the soil of our continent, his hand seems to be gaining that evil. (Note: The book was written during the communist era)
I cannot exclude, however, that today, when the evil, which had formerly loomed in the sphere of presages, has become definite, i.e. it is throbbing in the human society, some better, evil-resistant forces might be set in operation. Nevertheless, the omens of that time have not yet been erased, and the only thing I can believe in is that even more evil will be given to the mankind for its karmic defect.
If only in human brains a warning would thunder that the unrestrained development of desires leads the human society into the abyss, and that an instruction would arise from this warning that it is necessary to sow the good, for it also is a seed that must be sowed to germinate, sprout up, ripen and grow to become a crop.
It is necessary to make an end to the proud statement that it is the consciousness of the personal value that gives a guarantee in the matters of aversion against the mechanical and urgently enforcing harvest of evil. It is necessary to put an end also to the conviction that every individual is good for oneself, whilst all other people are bad. Everybody has some blemish of his/her character and these flaws has fused to create a driving factor which easily pushes the whole mankind onto the brink of the abyss… And it is impossible to eradicate evil by evil, after all.
I was more and more restless and found out that I could not find the highest contentment within myself. And so, without realizing that, I got ready for a new sally. I assumed I had to make an end to my dissatisfaction. But how?
I stopped eating drinking and sleeping. And with a mighty calling I beat into heaven and called Brahman. I imagined Him as the qualitative contents of the cosmos, which could get separate from [the cosmos] in some way and introduce itself to me either as the Spirit or as a being – it made no difference to me.
And my calling roared and it was supported by a resolution to persist in it even if I should be annihilated or the universe should collapse. I myself was already like a flame breaking through all spheres of the universe and my incantation was both a desperate outcry and commands I issued to everything and to all directions as far as the infinite…
In the space, within the reach of my consciousness and perception, something began to get condensed and oscillated like disarranged vibrations with a tendency to get accumulated into a specific form. And I kept on calling mightily, beseechingly and even dictatorially.
Everything existent left already their places. The universe was tossing about in a wild chaos and I suddenly saw: Besides God filling up the infinite spaces everything is God.
I began to be afraid of consequences of this state. So I changed my incantation and called: "Enough! Get back now! Be everything in the old way!"
Everything returned slowly to the due place, and equanimity of a being that would never seek anything any more set in within me. I saw Brahman, God whom nobody can see as the Bible says. After all, it wasn’t God in theological sense of the word, but it was a quality potentially living, a visual brightness that makes the essence of all living, physical and gravitational manifestations in the universe of sensory facts. And it was just this God hidden in the nothingness beyond the creative phenomena of the cosmos, which I evoked and called through the cosmic space to get shown in my field of vision. As He showed Himself there, I realized suddenly that He Himself as well as everything existing is God that is the supreme of all gods, the Brahman himself, the very essence of the existence, phenomena and processes.
This definition of mine describing God as Hindu Brahman does not mean he is God that can be something abstract with regard to God worshiped by theists. Theists themselves do not know to what or whom they bow down. There is, however, just one true God in the universe that is the hidden lord of all theistic gods, however genuine or false they are.
Nothing can be added to reality nor can nothing essential be taken away. Owing to this I dare to say that, even though that supreme God that I appealed to by mightily raising my spirit is of physical rather than theological nature, yet He is the universal basis of everything existent. It is then up to man to decide whether one wants Him to appear as the lively reality holding rule over the lives, or as the quality that is potentially both vigorous and natural or physical in the same degree.
We cannot use the anthropomorphic essence of the cosmos to arrive at the solution to cosmological problems. All the existence and events are bound together with the physical rightfulness set by the creation, not by a lawmaker. It is not until in the mutual relations of the creation that the rightfulness seems to be rationalistic, but this semblance is just a convention that cannot comprehend the truth. We should rather learn from the fact that two bodies in the space will always influence one another, which makes them come into collision or gravitational balance. These both results are rightful and logically correct. Variations of this fact clear up everything that happens in the big universe (macrocosm) as well as small one (microcosm), and even on the very earth…
I was barely turned 21 recently, but still, owing to the vision of Brahman I had arrived at the attitude of a man that has gained the life experience of ages. And I comprehended: There is not a single experience in the human world, which I have not already had. As a result of that I began to feel myself as old as the universe itself. I talked about it with one priest who sighed: "Oh, how mysterious the beginning of all creation is." My reply was then: "You are wrong. I know how everything has come into being. As God was creating the world, I was just there witnessing it." To his astonishment that I, in his opinion, belittled such a serious question, I only added with a smile: "You were there too, of course, but you cannot remember it while I can." And the nice and humble priest thought I was making a broad joke.
So, I became extinct as for the instincts, gained experiences of the whole human genus, got acquainted with the liberating teaching. I was ready to go out with [the teaching] into the world to promulgate it. But how? I lacked the eloquence, owing to the lack of education I put sentences together with unspeakable difficulties, and I was so arm that if I had preached the teaching, everyone would have taken me for a fool. Moreover, there was still something in me for what I could have compared myself to a scared hare fleeing from the human society, for I came among people neither at my school age nor later.
I was pondering the idea to start in a different way: I will say my knowledge to myself as if someone else said it to me, if he had the intention to make me understand him what he is teaching me under certain presumptions. That was the way I wanted to complete my school education. The rest should appear later.
Since I was definitely decided, I was interested in what magicians call "Keeper" or "Dweller of the Threshold" and Buddhists "Maro". It was nothing serious, though, just a sort of resistance meddling in the space between my eyes and the infinite cosmic distances I would have to see normally as full of imperishable splendour of the Holy Spirit and Light. I did not, however, take concern in any resistance because I had not so far registered it in the abrupt and forceful actions at all. So I went on quietly my way.
In the meantime they called me up as a recruit for military service. I went there with the intention of coming back by three months. They dismissed me from the colours after one month.
I came back from military service, but I did not re-enter the occupation where I had so much spare time. I decided to put on myself the burden of keeping the family, which was connected with expenses exceeding my earnings in that company. The cause for the higher expenditures was, that as I had been in service, my mother had received the step-father again who never did anything but just promised a lot to secure the mother financially during my military service. Thus my mother, without taking me at my word that I would be back from military service within three months, received that fatal gift – or better – a promise of no value.
I got the job at the place where I had commenced yoga before. An exhausting drudgery began for me, which I endured hardly a year. --- My decision to convey the mystic teaching to the seeking people affected the Demon of the Threshold. He appeared to me in trying to direct my steps. On my notice from the work he appeared before me and advised: "Let it all be, stay alone and you’ll get on very well. I’ll fulfil all of your wishes whatever existential things they should concern."
"O.K., if you can do that, so get me a job," I asked. "But wait. Not any job. I will inquire about places where one has not to work too much but where they pay well. And if I get less then hitherto, I don’t care." I was working as a head at that time, so I had relatively a very high salary.
Some time later I heard of such a place. I called the Dweller of the Threshold and wished: So, it is there and there. Then I cared for nothing any more. I intended to take a rest for some six weeks and then wanted to take some other job because of finance.
At that time I would go to church on Sundays because I had known its influence during my realization. As my body "burned", I burst into a church, which was actually for the first time I came there as a visitor. I might have burst into some other place, but all other places were closed for me.
What’s that? "Where’s the fire?", I said to myself. I was feeling well. Incredibly well. One literally sweet instant in the infernal eternity. So I remained in the church to recover strength a bit and afterwards I went out. And the storm was here again. I went back. It disappeared. Well, this is the influence of church, I recognized.
So, I was going to the church on Sunday as usually. I met the chief from the place I had chosen. I knew him very little; we had met just several times, and since I had aspired after yoga, I had avoided people. Thus I had not seen him for several years. But he recognized me and asked: "What do you do?"
"Nothing," I replied.
"Would you like to work with us?"
He arranged everything needed with the "madam", ad so I started without having introduced myself beforehand.
It was a good job. Not too much work, good money, so I had a lot of time for yoga again. We slept with the chief in one room. But the constant examining of myself kept me very busy, so my sleep was rather short.
One day the chief was sleeping and I could investigate: "He is beginning to dream about something. I have to find out what it is. I followed his dream body to the nearby village where he went to see a girlfriend. I decided to tell him about it when he gets up.
"Gustav, what did you dream about last night?" I began my speech.
"Oh, nothing. Or, at least, I don’t remember," he replied.
"Still, there was something," was my answer. "You were in the nearby village."
"Oh yeah, you’re right, how do you know?" he was surprised.
"That’s just fine, forget it." I said. --- Thus was the whole story through and I could make myself sure that my eyes did not deceive me.
My monetary earnings were not sufficient. We did not make both ends meet at home. More money was needed to keep the family. I had to do it in some way. Then the apprentices from my former work came to ask me. They were not happy with their new chief after my giving notice from that work, and so they wanted me to come back. I told them I would come if the boss would raise my salary a great deal – and I said the sum immediately. The boys negotiated everything by themselves and then came back with a message for me to come to the boss. Without much talking he acceded to my conditions.
So I returned back to the former place again where I had very good money this time, but a toilsome work.
My energy that I had up till then used just in abstract spheres came to show on surface. Everything went on swimmingly and I arranged my things so, that with a small shift of the beginning of work I spared two hours for myself. I could go to church to hear mass daily, which was truly pleasant to me. Besides, I organized the work so that also the apprentices gained two or more extra free hours daily. They squabbled a bit with the landlady at the same time, and she once lost her temper and began to expound them that without them employers they "would have croaked". Like a shot I jumped up, seized her by the collar and giving her a kick at the behind I threw her out of the workshop. Then I bawled at her. The boss came from the outside, but he quickly ran away upstairs as he heard the quarrel.
Since then I did not allow the boss’ wife to charge the apprentices with some extraordinary jobs to be done during the working hours. "You can push around when no one is here," I ordered. And the disciples took advantage of that measure of mine and when they had nothing to do, they disappeared outside and nobody saw them any more. They were like dragons. At first I thought them the proper way of thinking rather than the craft, and one of them who complained to the others about me being a tyrant was immediately greeted with a huge box on the ear.
"Why are you smacking me?" he said.
"Do you know what you said to the boy outside?"
He was convinced that I could read thoughts even at distance and so he was silent and kept his pains for himself.
How could he have understood the extreme burden that had been laid upon me. I worked till I dropped physically as well as mentally; I performed many jobs instead of the apprentices so as they did not have to work 92 hours a week like me formerly. Thus, a small lesson should set the things to rights without much talking and explaining.
The influence of Saturn began to work. It was summer 1930 and I could not stay idle. I talked with God about my problems and proposed ways that were passable for me so that I could pass on the teaching. But I did not get any approval. And I could not put the events of the last time out of my mind. Not the unemployment that affected so many people and made them stoop under the pressure of the unbearable poverty. I got on well in the outer life but I watched the interventions of the Dweller of the Threshold. Instead of a possibility to establish some relation that would have promised an opportunity to transmit the teaching, I saw obstacles gather, in the sense that nobody could even say a word with me.
I was known as being able to forecast the weather with an hour’s punctuality. Once I met a farmer who wanted to ask me about the weather. He opened his mouth, but was no able to pronounce the question… Or, at some other time, I was sitting on the stairs in front of the house. A young lady was coming – as she later said – with the intention of having a chat with me, because a conversation with me was said to be refreshing. I raised my head and looked at her to greet her. I noticed, however, that she looked as if against light or as though she had gone against strong wind. Then she turned and went away. My mother told me later that she had wanted to talk to me but she had seen my face in such a glare that she could not bear it and had had to leave.
That’s enough! It is impossible to go on like this, I thought. Then I decided to have a word with God. I complained about this situation of mine pointing to the fact that I would need relations with people in order to transmit the teaching. The All-Holy nodded. After the consultation with Him, however, I had no prospect of a good way-out.
"You must marry a woman. That will get you contacts with people," He revealed me the last leg of path. --- Till then, however, I had known that who wants to go beyond the ages must not have any love affair with a woman. At that time I was confronted even with this kind of situation and I saw my fate in this direction.
The All-Holly disappeared. I leant towards entering even this path if necessary. And while my mind was busy pondering this possibility, all of a sudden the Dweller of the Threshold flew out of the darkness before me and howled: "Ha, just try to take this way! Here look at your destiny if you take it…"
Those were gloomy prospects, but from the reply of the darkness I inferred there would still be something in it to go this way. The demon was furious… "Don’t you want this peaceful fate on condition that you will care just for yourself?" There were new images appearing, pleasing in the outer respect, but in the end I could see myself as a cut-off branch that fell far from the tree of life.
I gave the order with a positive attitude towards the wedding. And more and more definite images of the disconsolate future arose before my eyes. Had I been used to tremble with fear of portents, I might have withdrawn my decision. If the evil is, however, masked behind the veil of the future, then everyone has an immense courage – and so did I.
So the wish spread like wildfire. And here I was, entering the world of women. I look about and see: Only this one wears a spark within that can eventually be kindled into the true divine flame. And what about her bad nerves? This indisposition is better than if she were imbued with materialism. Where the heart was dead and the mind stuck to the earth, there the situation seemed to be more hopeless than what other images could call up. Such woman would suffer, that is to say, without any chance that her karmic debts could be paid back by her suffering.
I brought the one who should become my wife some books on mystic teaching, which she did not understand, anyway, and I said my wish: This is what I do and I will get married only on condition that I get your consent that I can go on doing it." I could have as well said I would play with sea dragons and she would have understood likewise. So she agreed.
I prophesied a bit: "You will suffer unbearably with me. But what I do is good and I will do my best to do something for your benefit, too…"
The portents were so ominous that I would have stopped what I had already begun. I tried it. I needed her declaration she did not like me. It seemed that I would have more probably dug my way through into the centre of the earth rather than made her say this decision. So it happened that the snake having enchanted a bird should fall into the trap of unbearable life.
The coming father-in-law said after a dialogue with me: "Ann, don’t marry him. He’s a very experienced man and you are still a little fool. You will shed sea of tears."
Youth thinks to be always more reasonable than old age, and thus the coming father-in-law met with a resistance that he retaliated later.
My coming bride ran away from home. What should I do? I decided to get married…
I saw everything clearly already. My falcon eyes should be burnt out with red hot iron of worldly duties and my power should be destroyed by the way of living of a father of family. Through the matrimonial life I should provide also the body with what is the cause of the knowledge that nourishing the "animal within" is a vanity, which, as I knew, satiates in other sense just like the many times repeated life of nobleman. It is not worth such suffering, though. It might have been better to soar to the seraph’s life again, however, in my twenty years of age, I was so tired that even that eternal and by no distress untouchable life was of no interest to me.
I considered myself a man and this fact itself prompted me that complying with the duties of man means balancing the karmic accounts. It dawned on me that the eternity that we achieve by exhausting the karma of the contemporary condition is marked by inner peace. In comparison with this the immortality represents only the celestial life that is as worthless as the terrestrial one. Shall we perhaps (try to) reach the celestial life if we can quite well live the worldly life to end? The aim of both is alike, but the burden of years may sometimes lie heavy.
What about those white adepts (mahatmas), whom I have found in the high qualitative areas of the earth with whom I can meet anytime? What is the point of maintaining the same bodies forever? Well, there are hardly twenty of you white mahatmas, while inhabitants of the earth number two billion and are permanently replaced. Well, your state is almost impossible to attain, for sons and daughters of the earth cling to the deadly time like a miser clings to his money. And then… Looking over the stormy river of life that I dared to jump into, I see myself there with you in the end. At the same time I would like to remark: What I am interested in is not your time but your condition. And the fact that you live physically on the delicacies of the very eternity? Well, I tasted it, too. Then something drew me back to the human genus and I began to assume I had obligations to it. Your understanding could make you laugh over the folly I defend but you do not laugh. You perceive only grains of time pour away from the timelessness. And all events in the human hive with all their small worries and unbearable horrors are just process.
I wore the seed of this opinion at that time already and by carefully pondering I could find out that it had an opportunity to develop within me up to the stage at which I will become identical with you not only in the view of life but also in the physical equipment. And the omnipotent death threatening to extinguish every seed of this sublime plant? --- I have belief and see the force within me, which will bring ME over to the spheres of those immortal adepts.
I can see myself in that sphere and hope – perhaps not gratuitously – to appear there on the basis of the same conditions that have brought me into this mrtyu-loka.
Mrtyu-loka is a place of death and belongs to the samsaric region. One gets there when one takes no interest in the absolute but only in the sphere of phenomena that are impermanent. The interest in such phenomena symbolizes the most terrible psychological fetter that keeps man on the level of arising and ceasing, which in addition, is accompanied by evident ascertainment that the ceasing or death is the lot of everything existent.
In the sphere of mrtyu-loka there is not in the least a chance of getting to the knowledge that a higher sort of delimitation has never such a passing existence like e.g. that of being on the human level. The one being in the mrtyu-loka fails to comprehend entirely that the primary delimitation, which could arise only as a consequence of self-consciousness of the absolute itself, creates the cosmos whose duration in comparison to the length of the human life is nearly eternal. One cannot understand even the fact that there are further sub-systems (in view of the cosmos) which, whether their nature is of physical or vital reality, have their lives practically unlimited in comparison with the duration of man’s being, and due to this imperfection in the sphere of knowledge, one cannot then understand that the mere swap of objects of interest may annihilate the fear of death and wedge in the being the certainty that the mortal sphere has been crossed and the over-samsaric sphere has been reached, where death in our conception has no effect at all. In this consequence the dwellers of the mrtyu-loka groan under the load of fear of death that both inspires and compels them to claim profitable posts in this sphere, whereby, however, they only strengthen the delusion of ignorance. In this way they get to ways to further shortening of their lives, for the length of it depends on the objects of interest.
Owing to this fact, even the common religious sense and conviction lead one to evaluate one’s own existence and thus also to lengthen one’s life. Nowadays, however, the religious sense has a very bad reputation. We appreciate only such sort of rationalism, which leads us to assert our own individuality, i.e. the most mortal part of our beings. Thus the modern world, that has rejected the noble sentiment which only the religion can imprint in us, bestows upon us, as unwanted goods added to the realistic and rational conception of the world and life, also death, fear, mistakes and a great number of ethical vices aggravating the common life with fellow-people.
As a result of the vision of Brahman and the consequent experience connected to that vision, I was already rid of all habitual ethical, social and religious opinions, and therefore I can use powers that every human being is equipped with. I can make use of them in a much more expedient way than anybody of people who have not the sort of the knowledge I have. And when I meet with the most horrible resistance of the mighty Dweller of the Threshold, I may only hope to win…
I began to furnish a nest for us two turtledoves. The landlady told me: "Looking forward to your nice little wife, ain’t you?"
"Far from it," I replied, "she’s a bitch and it’s going to be unbearable to live with her, you know."
"Oh sir, you’re taking a nice resolution into your marriage," she said and shaking her head went away.
What should I have explained to a woman so experienced in matrimonial life? I was facing the menace of the Demon of the Threshold who does fulfil his threats. And besides, I knew human characters already. I knew people better than they knew themselves. For that reason I did not live in expectation of some festivity but I opened a new game of chess in which the one to make a wrong move loses.
I was as able a player as the Demon of the Threshold, but I did not posses the same means as he did. As a husband I should become a prisoner of the body, whereas, the Demon of the Threshold can operate with supernatural powers. That was a circumstance that brought me a small dejection.
I got married. And I did not have to get used to another person living with me, but she did. I calculated each and every action. --- We should live the life and my wife wanted to embellish it with bigotry.
I put into her prayer-book or bible a backbone carefully taken out of a kipper. That was enough to bring about the wanted effect.
That act of mine aroused in her an aversion to singing in the church where, in my opinion, the people sing falsely to false God. Nothing good will come of such singing, anyway. It is, as one writer says, a false arrow that hits only a false target after a false discharge.
I do not recommend anybody to try to bring up his or her partner or consort in the similar way I did. To avoid the karma coming from the deeds becoming an arrow that will hurt the archer in the end and, moreover, to make that karma bring favourable fruits to the person afflicted by seemingly an evil deed, the doer of this karma has to be extremely precise in his/her calculation of the appropriate reactions. It is exactly these calculations that the mystical training of the adepts of initiation is based on when performed by skilled initiates in Tibet. The cruel deed of the wise on his disciple has to evoke in the adept of initiation the cognition that the act has affected only the imperfection, i.e. the cruel deed needs to have such effect that it will reduce in the disciple the non-salutary and develop the salutary things.
If it is not the case, then the wise is afflicted with the pride, whereas the adept of initiation with a feeling of injustice. Both lead to increasing the number of non-beneficial and evil things, with no favourable result at all. --- But let us go back to the description of the life circumstances.
In addition to my existential troubles resulting from the fact that my body was dropping of illness and fatigue, my wife performed scenes in which she would lie down on the ground and howl. Some time later I threatened her to pull her through the most horrible suffering as a reward for that. Do not think that it would have been out of the revenge. No, no. It was just topping up of the cup of unbearable difficulties, which gave rise to the abundance of evil karma that should afflict my wife. That means that the suffering would be only a natural consequence of her behaviour.
The truth is that I was always used to accepting every blow from people as an expression of their ignorance, but if there were too many blows, my being did not digest them any more. Thus it happened that the one who struck my being an excessive bang was afflicted with a karma coming from that deed as someone who had hurt a person innocent before the very God.
It might be good to point out that neither the sage nor the Dwellers of the Threshold give the aspirants of initiation a single excessive blow. That is why the Dweller of the Threshold can destroy a man without being harmed himself.
I gained one important experience in contacts with the Dweller of the Threshold. Since I observed the moral precepts of the teaching, I never dared to complain about the troubles he prepared to me. On the contrary, I accepted everything as a pleasant reminder of that God does exist. And that made happen that in my being a feeling of invincible power developed. And today, that I am writing this book, I feel such a power within myself that I could perhaps crush the cosmos in my mystical hands. At the same time the warrior’s spirit has already evaporated from me; I reflect that what is going on is in the best order because it was prepared by my behaviour and attitudes in the past. Moreover the peace that develops in the whole being owing to this attitude seems to be a condition of extinction of all states of distress.
I wish everybody to learn also to accept the blows of fate before he has nothing to do with the Dwellers of the Threshold, as a being devout but conscious of the fact that he is not bound to receive those [blows] like this. Being aware of power and flexibility produces in fact a virtue that the teaching assigns; on the other hand the bigoted attitude does not [generate such virtue].
I lost my job and the main reason was my poor health condition. The world was plunged into a severe economic crisis and neither had I an outlook of an endurable existence. So we began to live in poverty.
I counted each crown (Czech currency) and hesitated to give them out even for bread. Besides, there were some other obligations. And no chance was coming for many weeks long. It had lasted three quarters of a year already.
When I heard of some job and decided to go there, the Demon of the Threshold jumped out and cried out: "Useless effort!" Anyway, I tried it several times and then stopped.
The economic crisis was beyond all bearing. I learned of a vacancy somewhere. I was sure that no one could precede me, so I went there. The Demon of the Threshold exclaimed: "It’s a waste of time!" Being depressed yet conscious of my advantage of coming first did I go to apply for the post that I could perform hardly a few weeks due to my health condition, anyway.
The demon of the Threshold was sitting in the face of the person who needed the labour and told me through his mouth: "You don’t look to hold a job like this." Well, such was the answer of a tradesman in whose craft I was a journeyman.
That will do! That’s not the right way to get my way. And there was no other outlook. Besides, I had to follow instinct instead of power. Anyway, that instinct of mine was, when compared with that of a common man, so much the better that it scored in comparison of secular signs with somewhat more obvious divine states. That instinct, however, could not help me resolve my situation; I was quite sure about it. That brought me into a situation that was altogether unsolvable.
From the length of the period of my ever-aggravating outward situation I inferred that the Demon of the Threshold intended uncompromisingly to starve me to death. And by having decided to get married I left heavens, so I did not want to whimper. I wanted to solve the situation of the time only in a usual way. And so I was sinking into the mud of economic difficulties, so far that it was not possible any longer.
I was run-down. I was reflecting: If I do not get a job within two days, we will have nothing to eat. Not only myself is in question here. There is also my mother, my wife – and she is pregnant.
I hesitated, considered and was arriving at the conclusion: I economic respect I am there where man has already the right to appeal to God.
The next morning I assumed the position of Gods. I focused myself toward a certain state. I had no success in it; the [existential] situation was disturbing me. But the success was a must. Otherwise those whom I had taken under my protection would die. Being aware of that gave me enough strength to look for the divine light and divine states. The Demon of the Threshold responded again. He flew out of the darkness and threatened: "Cut it off or this misery of yours will grow much worse…" I was indifferent to his threats. The Demon acted is if he were frantic: "If you go on with it, see what will happen." And in the fog a picture of permanently disconsolate conditions loomed, in which I was falling into the life of someone who has no divinity but only heavy ignorance, the source of all suffering. Then he added: "isn’t it better to die of starving plus an incarnation in a sphere that is out of my reach?" – I did not give in. So he came close to me and said: "Focus your attention here, not there. Then you’ll get on well by my help."
My mental state resembled the one in which Jesus called to God-Father: "Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup of bitterness from me…" But I could find out immediately: Not even this is allowed to do. I am on the turning point of time and the only way to enter the new one is to win this game. If I do not win, I will become a demon…
The reader should not think that I speak in allegories. The higher rung one ascends on the ladder of the spiritual evolution the harder even smaller offences become. Therefore it is extremely dangerous to present a supplication for the God’s presence when the karma taken on by descending from heaven and by consequently beginning to live on earth is just being discharged. And since the demand for replacing the suffering, evil and darkness with the divinity in form of the celestial brightness means the simultaneous burdening of the consciousness with heterogeneous qualities, it may happen that unless one succeeds in developing this brightness, his consciousness will be pervaded by an active demonic power and the concomitant darkness. The demonic nature is hereby realized, which will not abandon man even after centuries.
The one who has realized the demonic essence does not either recognize or comprehend the divine light. And when, on the basis of a former divine experience that is now falling into oblivion, a small remembrance of this brightness arises for all that, the demonic darkness will get up again in a mighty wave and veil the divine brightness anew. This process will be repeated so long until all the relations to the divine light perish. The disappearance of these means a prelude to the punishment for the sin against heavens; the sin that is a result of man’s evoking the celestial light with consequently abandoning it.
As far as I know, the usual punishment for that deed is that man becomes a demon in the true sense of the word. He is dull, burdened with a lack of knowledge of any enlightening divine moment and he is completely subject to the instinct of personal self-preservation.
My power increased owing to that knowledge. And gradually, the divine states and divine light began to develop. Everything was going on more quickly afterwards. The Demon of the Threshold became almost non-existent - so deeply I was involved in that process.
At last! The divine light and states grew beyond the boundaries of my body. The furious Dweller of the Threshold was repulsed by the fearful might of divine powers and I saw brightness.
With a little doubt if it is sufficient, I interrupted my endeavour and said to my wife: " It’s going to be all right now, don’t worry about anything."
The next day was Sunday and my wife and I were going to the church again. My steps were lighter than whenever before, although I had nothing in my wallet, nor had we anything at home.
Someone was going towards us. A woman. I took no interest in her; after all, I knew only few people although I had lived in that place for a long time. But she knew me.
"Oh, I’m glad to see you. I owe you some money, but I did not see you anywhere, so I couldn’t give it back to you earlier."
"No, you must be wrong."
"Oh no. You lent me, really you did."
It is quite possible that I lent her, but it must have been in the time as I was still single. But I forgot about it and the debtor, too.
"O.K., you can buy the most necessary things tomorrow, but really just the most needful", I say to my wife. And the calculations show me that in a week’s time I will be in the same jam I am in today.
Yet not, indeed. We came to town. A man stopped me there to ask what I did. "Nothing", I say.
"Look, I would be thankful to you if you could fill in for me in work. I need to take two weeks off and must get a substitute to them. I’ve been just on my way there to say that tomorrow I can’t come any longer, but I don’t have anybody for me. If you take it, you can arrange it instead of me. Who knows if I found someone in there."
"Yes, I said. And I thought: "Thankful? How strange everything is. I am nearly dying of hunger and you are offering me a rescue with gratitude. Grotesque world. And promising images of prosperity are dancing before my eyes at the same time. We’ll find a way-out in a fortnight again. After all, they offered me an auxiliary work for two days a week then, so I could spare 40 crowns a week. The fortnight’s wage was sufficient to pay the rent and the 40 crowns were enough for three people to live on a week long.
I was reckoning the huge relief resulting from it and I could say I was contented.
However, the invocation worked even better. The former apprentice from my first post came to see me. By the way, he took even running blood for an amusement, but when he saw me during my realization, he was so impressed that he wanted me to initiate him. He had also an experience with my ghosts. It happened after my realization. I would go out for walks more frequently and could not but regret people that they had to think constantly and so painstakingly. I could see little flames of thinking permanently getting out of their heads, and I had no better idea than to convoke those flames to me. And they obeyed, but they did not follow me as flames but as tiny creatures.
Seeing that they would come with me all the way home, I ordered them to align in a certain manner in the room. Some time later there were plenty of them there and they were piled like sardines. And they altered their shapes at the same time. I noticed it when they wanted to serve me. For example, when I wanted to know something, some of them got loose, shrank down to the size of a point, then they began to stretch out and then, suddenly, disappeared with their feet that they had left there as they began to stretch.
I found out that certain wishes made go those and other wishes some other ones. Thus I got accustomed to this order and I did not even think of it being some other way sometime.
That boy, however, used to come to the room, too, and in some way he found out how to see "my ghosts". Then he also began to influence them in some manner and, even though I had not usually observed many things, it made me notice some time later that "my ghosts" were not gathered together. At first I thought they might have gone out somewhere, but then I concluded that they would not have taken such a long trip. It made me feel uneasy in order not to get into some precarious situation through an automatic rebound to my behaviour. But however I considered all circumstances I could not see any danger of that sort there. So I guessed: Somebody has fingers in the pie. But who?
I began to observe people from the house. And then suddenly: "Oh, that’s you?" I think. Everything is all right then. I know what is up with "my ghosts" and where they were, so there was no danger for me any longer. I only noticed the eyes of the new "exorcist". They appeared to me rather bad soon. I marred his little game:
"Well, you played a bit with my ghosts, Joseph, didn’t you? You won’t see them any more." And everything vanished for him. At the same time I concluded to send that company away for safety's sake.
That act, namely taking away the seeing of the ghosts, seemed a trifle to me, the boy’s opinion about it, however, was different. He saw a great might in it and, that was how I captured him for the second time.
He asked for initiation. Having hesitated a great deal I showed him eventually the way. And he attained a good result. The one that I call realization. But it came later. He was going through the mystic course then and, in addition, he offered me help in need. He was a son of a farmer and it made no difference to him if he did not work. So I was saved for the second time with a hope that the worst situation would not come again.
Then my son was born.
I was glad I did not have to welcome him in such poverty I had been in recently. I would have taken it for an ominous portent. In reality I was feeling well then, even though I knew that my lot should be just trials and suffering. Therefore I expected to become jobless soon. But what is the worry about what is to come. There is plenty of time for troubles when they have come by themselves. So I persisted in a good [mental] state and that should be a happy omen for the years to come.
The fatherly pride and joy from the birth of my son was something I did not feel. I took him for an independent being; actually I had only duties toward him (imposed by fatherhood). According to my astrological calculations he was born in a favourable time, so he will have at least better life than I had. My paternal concern and sentiment were thereby used up. Besides, there were heavy clouds slowly coming over my existence. My boss was in the depth of uneasiness, clumsiness and inability, and his trading existence hung by a thread. If I had been him I would not have kept an assistant; what both of us together were making a certain period of time I would have done in a quarter of that time. But he was the boss and he managed. Therefore his fate was to die as a tradesman. The same fate was prophesised by his wife with an argumentation that he had his shop facing a cemetery.
That situation would have called forth a smile if not also my existence had been dependent on it. But what could have been done. The motion of father time is not stopped by any event that might hurt somebody.
My son was three months old and I lost my job. Examining the situation I came to an estimate that my hopelessness would not be longer than six weeks. After all, I counted on it and had prepared myself for it in a way. So my contentment was not disturbed, at least not significantly.
It was winter. The need of money in winter is higher than in summer and it had been six weeks already with no income. I was calm; just a small uncertainty came over me at the idea that my assumption could possibly fail. Besides, the reality was too wretched to give even the least hope. Therefore I could not but think that something extraordinary would have to happen.
December 8. Some car hoots out in front of the house, but nobody of us cares. Immediately a young man bursts into our flat running and says: "We are here with the boss. Tell him you know me. It’s a matter of a job, you know."
The boss knocked at the door. Fortunately I did not have to affirm that I knew that young man. Since I did not know him at all and never in my life did I see him.
The boss asked whether I wanted to take up work in his firm. I should sign on immediately and lend him my trade license. I do not like doing things so hastily, but in that case my existence was at stake. So I accepted that offer and he went away thereupon. I confessed to the young man right on the spot that I did not know much about that work because that sort of trade was of minor significance in the town. "Never mind," he replied, "I will do everything for you before you get trained to it. It took me only few days and then the young man left the work. He just confided to me that he was sent to me by my present disciple in the mysticism again.
A help was given to me, but… I was suffering from an incomprehensible physical weakness, which got eventually manifested in my ocular problems. I could see very badly. Unfortunately I had a helper at hand who performed the hardest jobs instead of me, so it was not that bad. --- I worked there about half a year. One day I was looking up at the sky and saw: Mars was coming nearer to Jupiter. I deduced it would be a very unfavourable constellation for me. And the nearer they were coming the more I was affected by the adverse portent. How will it show itself?
The conjunction of both planets got closed already. What will come? I could not expect that everything would pass without any response in my destiny.
It came already. Inflammation of nerves in my right arm, which only affiliated with my physical feebleness that had also made me blunt-sighted. I was trying to endure the inflammation without stopping to work.
But later it was really unbearable any longer. I told it to the workshop-keeper. He worried about the workshop; the business license was issued on my name. I knew that inflammation of nerves was no mortal disease and so I wanted only to take a little break from work. We went to see some young man who should work as my substitute during the time of my absence. I seemed to be getting it. My fate was hidden in him.
I came back after ten days. The owner liked that man, it was obvious, I could see that very well. He was calmer than me and was engaged solely by work, while for me the work was just what interested me least of all things. The boss was trying it:
"I cannot pay so much, so take something off from your wage!"
I helped the fate come to the world: "I won’t," and then I added: "You know, I was thinking of giving in a notice, but I did not want to worry you."
"I was where my boss needed to get me."
I was jobless again. --- Yet no? The magic of the former moment was still having the desired effect. Well, I don’t need to worry. I made myself for just six weeks of unemployment and then the situation should get solved.
A hope of getting a job or money was zero. The crisis was worldwide and people were falling from hunger. So I was careful and examined: "Well, the divine light is still present here." My lot will be drawn again.
I did not take care of anything. After all, I was completely powerless. I was spending more time curing myself by means of a rest if my situation allowed some quietude to arise at all. Then again I was offered a casual job in an agricultural cooperative where I had already worked when I had been single. So I lived in "wealth". I was earning 70 crowns a week for a family of four, out of which 110 crowns had to be paid monthly for the rent, but compared to all that had preceded, I was living really in affluence. Actually, I had no worry that tomorrow we would not have a single potato to eat, and I myself was keeping the "moneybox". All was going swimmingly in that way.
I had been at home, unemployed, for six weeks already. One day my friend J. came to see me. He was actually the one to have shown me the way of ethics. During his visit he invited me: "Mrs. J. is in K., some forty kilometres from here. Wouldn’t you go with me to see her? We can talk a bit about mystic things."
Well, Mrs. J. She is the woman whom I met in 1926, about a month before my realization, as I had already all mystical experiences. I can see her like today, how she was burning with enthusiasm, but my replies were rather chilly. Allegedly I told her on that occasion: "I know all that." But I remember very well as she was saying that the adept would get so far one day as to be able to talk with God! --- I thought: Strange mystics. I can talk with God anytime, and in the same way I talk to anybody, at that. But I do not talk to him about things like "when I do…, what if…" or similar nonsense. I put questions about useful things, problems of my life course, if I am not mistaken in my mystic cognisance, and so on. --- In spite of all that, she was someone who burnt genuinely. And besides, there was nobody whom I could have a reasonable talk with. My friend J. refused my offer to live together with me in one household the other day, despite my promise he would not suffer from any want. I intended to use him as a "shield" behind which I could have been "doing the mysticism" the way I understood it. I was thinking of hiding myself behind him, endowing him with such karma that would have enabled him to make enough money for both of us without any troubles, while I would have worked to direct world’s destinies that seemed to me as dark as the night. Thereby I would have rendered a meritorious service and so would he. My way would not have taken a turn into the wedlock, as he himself knew when he reminded me that to his decision coming out from the blood pulsation I declared, after he had announced me that he would get married: "O.K., so will I".
I was far from thinking of getting married; I was nineteen years old. But of all ways that one I saw as being free. Otherwise, the world’s destinies were the only interest of mine, and my greatest happiness would have been the possibility to interfere with those. Really, it was only me who had the effective means to do that; politicians execute just what is urged upon them by the will of "the Unknown".
He refused at that time and will therefore bear a curse that he is now complaining of. And as he was fifty years old, he told me he was feeling an emptiness of a dark and horrid NOTHINGNESS in his breast. Nevertheless, he has my friendship and he will have it forever. His decision arose from aberration coming from the natural instincts, and those who understand forgive here.
And when I think of St.? He is no idealist but a rationalist. He knows well where the "shoe pinches" him, and to the same offer of mine he replied: "No, I want to live worldly life." For that reason I feel no relation to him, he is strange to me, and as for the teaching, I gave it to him just because I would give it to anybody who would be internally arranged in that or a similar way. Besides, his attitude towards me was that of a disciple toward his master, while J. felt himself my friend.
Thus, as a consequence of that double refusal, I am where I am, and therefore I cannot determine my ways, I can only go them. Go them like anybody else, even though my paths are different from those of normal people. Since there is light within me, which enables me to see myself beyond Styx, somewhere in the future, and it is clear to me that I will perform great and, in some way, even formidable deeds in that stormy river that symbolizes the world of distress. And the worldly man on the other hand? He goes, being controlled by the desires for life, sex pleasures and outer as well as inner comfort, and therefore his darkness is real. That darkness, in which I am also plunged now, about which I know, at the same time, that it surrounds me just because I decided to enter it with the intention to pass on the Mystic Teaching. Since the teaching must also be fertilized by a transmission, otherwise it becomes a torso that the mystics will not turn into a body.
O.K., we will go there. My physical condition spoke for a train, my pocket, however, for bicycle. With regard to my bodily condition, it was necessary for me to ask spirits what the weather would be like, and at the same time I ordered them: "I must protect my body against bad weather." They nodded and showed me the weather to come. All right, then.
We were received very pleasantly. There was a lunch, which I had counted on as to the rest, because it was financially unbearable for me to buy something to eat for the journey. So, that kindly treat seemed to me a favourable sign. Anyhow, my friend was a relative of the hostess. Besides, her "master" said about me once, "He is a good boy, and the rose is a sign of his acceptance into the Fraternity of Rose and Cross." It happened as I, looking for someone with an interest in mysticism, paid a visit at him, too. I was talking then back and forth about my mystical experiences.
Well, so it is with mystics. They are not impressed by any effort but what comes out of it. But there was a huge, abysmal difference between them and me. If their "master" had examined me, I did it, too. Their "mysticism" fitted in speech, mine worked well in life. They were, however, proud enough to dare judge everything without being able to see through directly, without questioning about the experiences of those whom they were examining. I had already that ability, namely the seeing-through, and so I did not care about what someone might tell me about oneself. I knew it better than the person oneself, because the feelings are fleeting and in experiencing man they go through an area that is out of the reach of his consciousness…
But the chat with Mrs. J. was going well. That good woman had in her heart room not only for her mysticism but also for outer fates of man. Therefore, she asked: "What are you doing?"
"Nothing," I replied.
"You know what? In Pardubice (Czech town) there are mystics having a firm where you could work. I’ll send a letter to them and you show up there then, will you?"
It is a deal. However, no rejoicing sounded in me, since I knew people in relation to ideas and convictions. Anyway, the need is stronger than portents that can sometimes be reversed.
I went to Pardubice. They engaged me immediately and bosses were smiling at me. I should enter the work on Monday next week. Since I had to go by bicycle to get there, I got ill over it. I sent a letter explaining my absence, because I was ill, but I hoped to come on Wednesday.
I came there. Once again I apologized, but they said it was no problem. They just pointed out that, according to the astrological calendar, it was an unfavourable day. I did not care about it for my part, because starts are decisive, not that continuation. I had more reliable sources, after all. Since the one who is presenting oneself for work being pushed there by a patronage always wanders what the milieu will be like. I saw something. So I asked the All-Holly a question.
He was silent.
However I tried it, He kept silent. And besides: There was a vision floating before my eyes. I was recognizing the mystics I should meet and among whom I had to come. This one is like this, that one like that, I was predicting. Nothing but pious sighing of a sly merchant and of people eager for the world. Yes, it was where a lightning might run from. I decided to beware.
I was given better pay conditions than the employees at the bottom of the company, whose weekly wages were 94,10 Kc (crowns). Quite strange features of the mystical virtue. In addition, the last partner of the firm was remarking as he was paying them off:
"Here you are and get out of here quickly or I’ll kick your a…"
So what! I had always been in a society like that, so why it should be different here?
However, I was pondering:
You people who strive to attain the divine realm and are not so equipped for the journey as I was must base your endeavour in the field of your manners and speech, too. Otherwise your mysticism will be somewhere in your mouth but will never get into your heart. You cannot take me for an example. I experienced ages, so whether I am speaking decent or rude language, whether I am flattering or kicking someone, I am always looking at the divinity if it is not perhaps changing its faces due to that or some other deed or word. I have a good genius that has helped me that God has never "frowned" except when I have expected his frowning face.
Yes. I am employed in your company, but what interests me more is not your mysticism but if I can awaken your hearts a bit for those having as little as 94,10 crowns a week. Increasing this pay would be the only proper beginning of your mystic journey.
However, you have your "leader". He told you, boss, "Now shoot at the hares and don’t ask mystical questions." --- All right, these questions will come to be asked when you have sent a certain number of these poor creatures "out of this world". Well, your leader will explain to you that the passion for murdering is harmless, because shooting symbolizes the mystical concentration and, moreover, eating the shot victim means to give a help to it because it will pass through the mystic’s entrails that have been thoroughly purified by "practicing letters". Thus the victim should gain merits for a higher rebirth. (NOTE: Practicing letters, letter exercises, used in that "school" were borrowed (but adapted and simplified) from Christian mysticism (Kerning) or Kabala, (similar, but far more complex practice is also known in Indian systems as nyasa), and they were believed to confer great merits and eventually the highest enlightenment. Thus they just "practiced letters" without observing the moral precepts of yoga and believed to perform some extraordinarily divine training. Herewith that sort of mysticism (a la Weinfurter) has only conduced to promulgating and spreading false views and theories of mystic teachings and yoga…)
A beautiful theory to which I can only add in my mind: I wish there were cannibals here to shoot your leader down and to let him eat up to a sorcerer who would know more than your leader. Passing through a stomach like that would render a great benefit to your leader, although he pretends modestly in his speech to be a "little pupil", but in reality he dares to judge Jesus, Buddha or Ramakrishna and, in general, any authority so that he can come out besides Jesus as the best mystic. After all, not even Jesus needed necessarily be a good mystic for him, but there had to be someone left, if he dared not talk, as I did, about himself as about the authority, sometimes even the biggest one of all.
So I attended the meetings of those mystics and impressed them. They elected me into the committee of the association, since my person magnetized them. There were soon more than eight such members. More and more new people were coming. I talked to them and they agreed with me. But not all of them shared my opinion. The orthodox ones continued to adhere to their teaching that was watched over and corrected by their "leader".
One of them came to me and complained:
"I don’t know what’s the matter, but my thinking seems to work somehow wrong. I don’t even know any more how much money I am paying out in the bank."
"It needs doing this and that," I say, and then I add, "When I say stop, so stop. Then go back to the tenets of your mysticism."
I charged him with three consecutive tasks. He came then and told me it was good. "O.K., stop it, then," I said.
Despite careful proceedings, that event opened distrust of my person. Namely, it was announced to their "leader" that I had conferred some exercises to that man. The "leader" responded upon it very irritably, so that everything that occurred later between my employer and me was dependent on that very moment. By the way, I said it some two years later to Mrs. J. during a tumultuous scene in the root club of those mystics at a meeting, which I will mention later. I told Mrs. J. on that occasion: "The cause of the whole dispute is that I gave Mr. D. three exercises to remove his obsession he was complaining about." Mrs. J. replied: "If it had been an exercise from God, it would have been enough to give him just one." Thereupon I answered: "Why didn’t you give him that exercise? I know only effective exercises and I don’t intend to explain if they are from God or from me."
That answer of mine was too strong for such a simple-minded mystic. She was nursed by a dualistic theory, half-baked teaching, which, on one hand, appealed haughtily to royal initiations, on the other hand, however, it dissolved into pusillanimity that it adopted from Christianity. The credo of that teaching was that also the followers of mysticism are just people who cringe to the Divine Majesty as someone who is totally bad, unknowing and incapable of attaining knowledge.
Yes, indeed! The royal initiation is impossible to combine with pusillanimity of bad people. The royal initiation is a reply to great virtues that comprise also the self-confidence of man who is responsible for all his doing. Who has achieved such initiation, or even has been only trying to reach it, must not concede some mysteries from beyond this world, on the contrary, he has to know that the decisive factor in his doing and life is merely a mathematical law, and nobody is allowed to attempt to dupe it by pleading smallness on one hand and by demeanour of a conceited and legitimate judge on the other hand. The royal initiation is proved by straightforward and guileless doing and by persisting in the position of the highest personal responsibility. If that’s not the case, talking about such initiations is a moral defect that is more serious than the moral flaw of a worldly man who is conscious of his being just a worthless creature before the entire reality.
The so-called spiritual humility combined with the real spiritual pride is a phenomenon, which we can observe in the most simple-minded mystics. Only a really mature and highly intelligent man can put the humility and self-consciousness in the proper place, for he knows that humility has nothing to do with the sanctimony of spiritual cripples and likewise self-consciousness with pride. After all, sanctimony never protects man from false self-consciousness emerging in his heart and claiming that he is, compared with a normal man, a being graced by God or competent, by reason of his belief, to adjudicate what the real good and what the evil is.
I myself recognized very soon from my mystical endeavour that if I wanted to act correctly before God, I had to admit both what I had already achieved and what I had not attained yet. Only for this reason I was able to shin up the platform, where my behaviour became nearly incomprehensible to all spiritually crippled people. Those people, however, arrived later at a conclusion that I was out of order, at least as far as my mystical virtues are concerned. But I remind again: I do not want to debase any of the results I have attained on the paths of mystical development. Moreover, I am sure that the opinion of people who let spoil themselves by misunderstood precept on the necessity of humility is not identical with divine judgment. The truth is that I was making before the God’s face so much of what contradicted the unaffected or perverse notion of humility, so that I would have had to fall into the lowermost hell if people who suffered from ideas like that had judged me.
At me, however, God smiles, and I have a clear way to him every second. That is why I can any time approach him with a demand, question or for some other reason. This is a fact that shatters all human theories or morality, although these theories obstruct countless people from their efforts to establish a natural relationship to God.
God is consequently not like man. Throughout the whole history that I have been a mystic, I have been getting the best of his grace particularly by my boundless optimism. Sure I had to win the best of his grace because God represents the positive quality that evolves into Creation; should this quality have no relations to optimism, so it could never evolve into Creation. It is known by Buddhists who – because they are wise – reproach God for this feature, they turn away from and get over him by peacefully looking at all creative happening while they maintain an attitude that could be expressed like: with peace and feelings of happiness pervaded indifferentism.
Thus expressed state is supra-brahmic, over-divine. Who knows how to persist in it will be delivered. All sorts of bliss connected with the boundless optimism lead one only to the Heaven of Brahma, the God-Father.
One day I astounded my boss. He came to the plant in the morning and I greeted him saying, "That what you experienced last night is called inflammation of feelings. It is very good, go on!"
"Listen," he said at the next gathering of mystics, "he knew what I’d had the evening before."
In the meantime their "leader" replied to my conferring exercises on somebody. That’s true, but I did it just to make him even-minded. My motives were not accepted, though.
"No one has a right to give someone any exercises," wrote their "leader" that time. And a suspicion arose.
But the life was going on and I was spreading around me a stir with good calculation, which should help people on a spiritual level in some or other way. Then there were parliament elections. The dark future, which I saw during my first look-through in 1926 as being in the distance, so that it might leave everyone calm, began to fall slowly onto the earth like a heavy cloud.
I do not know why it was happening just during the elections. Maybe it was the changes in the political constellation that made the fist of the German dictator visible. Until then, however, the politics had been of no interest to me at all, and the reason that in one dream during the realization I went to Mussolini to raise me to the rank of officer was something that had nothing to do with an interest in politics.
Now the time came for me to begin to be interested in politics. Not in the way of becoming a social democrat, a communist or a national socialist. Those things were for me something where I saw just a profit for the individuals who should be most active in those parties. My concern was the Teaching. The giant Darkness made a very bad portent for its transmission, and it seemed to me that I would have to fight on the two fronts. One more thing should come to the heavy existential conditions – the danger for my person. What sort, it should be shown in the future. At the same time, I had no illusions. I was just an insignificant man, too unimportant one, but, on the other hand, I was already moving the psychic forces of the world. This is what worldly people feel in some way or other and respond to it as enemies of the Spirit.
As long as there is democracy, personal freedom, people may respond to my activity just by emotional grudge. On the other hand, the dictatorship watches man more carefully, and when it dislikes the man’s deeds or feelings he arouses, it finds the rope or the axe or whipping to death.
I was measuring, weighing and calculating: Yes, it is possible to avert this danger. I would have done it for a slice of bread for my family and me. I shake the bosses’ hearts by an indirect allusion that I need a couple of days off to arrange some matters. The boss was grumbling. Of course, he will not comply with my request. He has personal interests and some presages are useless unless they warn against tomorrow’s loss of money or a clairvoyant advice about what to do to come by more money.
With a boundless pain blended with apprehension about my holy onus, I hung my head, while the DARKNESS, which had not been so far able to roll over the walls of my radiation, sat down onto my head. Oh yes. It was flooding me already and since that moment the world was full of it.
Indeed! Just at that time, somewhere in 1934, the invisible world contained as a done event everything that came true later and that has lasted up to the present time as the fearful political situation that subject the mankind to a state or states, whose governments arrogate the right to subdue every individual member of the nation as a slave, a human without any right or higher ethical responsibility. But people proved to be like sleepers or like elementary animals, whose selfishness allows them to see only the present and to believe in no future, except for the one that is conjured up by their personal desires and character. It was a horrible reality for me to find out. I could only witness that the rising and menacing DARKNESS had all pre-conditions to fulfilling its threats, and I was nearly breaking down in my heart before the truth that would have made the blood curdle in every objectively seeing man. And the worst thing about it was that I possessed forces attained during the initiation, which guaranteed averting the invisible menaces by simply introducing other tendencies in the invisible world, but I could not use them just for the simple reason that owing to my existential conditions I was vulnerable from so many sides that I could take the success in the necessary action for impossible beforehand. Thus, for the first time in my life, I was experiencing a very deep crisis of someone who could see the unavoidable fate, has powers to change it, but cannot do that because he lives among beings that guards their wrong way like the blind led by the genius of destruction…
The reader should not be astonished by the bold assertion speaking quite clearly about a correlation between the mission of the mystic who attained the goal of his mystical endeavour, viz. the spiritual knowledge and the world that reacts to it his accomplishment and the consequent doing of his. If [the reader] himself were also ravished by an awful tempest of longing for redemption and on that base he aimed his attention with an extreme sharpness to spiritual qualities, the traces of which he would find within himself, he would recognize that he is doing something that makes the world stir.
The relations are quite logical here. He himself, being kneaded from the same dough as the other worldly people, for that very reason that he focuses his attention to the spiritual quality he found within himself, he uses the same energy that permeates all other people, whereby he is breaking the equilibrium of the psychological components of the entire complex of being, namely of mankind. In other words, if the mystically striving person is still a common man of populace and, being entranced by an ardent longing for salvation he tries very hard to bring his entire inner being to spiritual qualities, he makes wave "the sea of energy", the manifestation of which is all human existence. In this way he interferes with the human world as somebody who has used the right control lever of the mechanism of processes in the psychological world. When he attains by mystic procedures such a high degree of structural psychic-physiological transformation that he is, from the karmic point of view, no more a "man of commons", his efforts do not have any effect on the human world, since he utilizes altogether different, higher physical energy than the one whose "undulation" is a manifestation of people’s life.
As the overall evolvement of the entity always falls behind the mental development, the one who has reached a success on the mystical path can still for a long time influence the course of the forces that determine the fates of people. When he, however, has grown up to the level of his mental evolution, he is no more capable of affecting the course and direction of these forces, because he belongs to another class of creatures already. With respect to that, every opportunity has its proper time; a certain chance does not simply exist in some other time.
"Something horrible will happen," I prophesied for myself as we once went home from a gathering of the mystics with those mystical disciples who would have been glad to gird their breasts with fervour that Christ, whom they allegedly worshipped and to whom they wanted to come by means of some letter exercises, would have had to turn pale over that love of theirs. That "love" would have left him no space for an embrace if they had "lettered out" that merit.
Yes, they believed me because they were afraid of prognostications they knew a little about from the newspapers and, as I knew something "from the air". But was it any good at all to try to expound to those people that a rescue would have been possible just for a piece of bread that could have fed four hungry stomachs? Although they stood before a man who had the power to change the course of history by establishing new tendencies in the psychic world, yet it was their destiny to go through the same path of infernal flames as me for their unwillingness to give that tiny offering.
But they stood face to face to someone who should gain, from the leverage of that time, an accomplishment of his path and attain the eradication of attachment to the world, even the unintentional one incorporated in flesh and bones of his body, while they were just moaning over some losses of their properties, over the moments in which everything that exuded in them the feeling of the personal value, should be demolished.
And considering the danger that was imperilling my life? I have the ability to operate with tamas and to make myself similar to you gregarious people above whom the whip of dictatorship will swish. So, it is quite possible that I pass through… And if I pass through, it will also mean that I have transferred the Teaching through the valley where the Keeper of the Threshold is most powerful.
I someone is about to do some mystic action, a crackdown that shall influence the surroundings in which he lives, he needs two helpers to succeed if he is not fully independent or if he is involved in the world‘s affairs through family bonds. This dependence or involvement is in fact his weak point in the field of magically working forces that are then unfavourably discharged exactly in this direction. For that reason the ancient initiates used to require of their disciples the initiation lest they did not seek any connection to the world. They demanded from them firstly to give up the profane ambition to such a degree that they become monks who could not be hurt because the world refuses to give them what they had been used to taking for "daily commodities or necessities of life", and secondly it was required of them to give up any incentives to become family-men. All that should prevent the keepers of the magical threshold from affecting the members of the mystics’ families during their magic actions.
That provision could be softened only in the land where the magic-mystical endeavour of all kinds was respected, as it was the case until recently in Tibet. Nevertheless, because of the lack of understanding of real magic-mystical efforts, those rules must be once again observed, since the outer indulgence to these efforts does not protect magically from the consequences of their actions.
The question is:
If man generates magical tension with the intention to influence the surroundings in which one lives, he uses [this tension] to pursue such an effect on the secular characters that he provokes them to do him harm. It need not appear as an obvious intention of those characters to hurt such a person, but it appears only as a reaction induced in this way, i.e. as a psychic reflex from the world of people.
If the man inducing this tension has someone who is able to shield his activity, he can, by alternately lifting and letting sink again the so called magical cluster, avert the world’s reaction from getting over his protective wall, namely over the "magic’s friend". And since every magical action has a beginning, a summit and an end, the magic, having finished that action, becomes again a man inconspicuous for his surroundings.
At the time I describe here I was very vulnerable. I had a family and worked as a wage labourer. I knew very well that what is in store for people at that time was a highly serious, deep and acute evil that felt so forceful that it made me absolutely override my personal harms, which I would have seen in wounding my wife or child in the magical manner as a consequence of my actions. I could not dare, however, subject them to further economic torment which was quite strong and forceful then. Hence I asked actually just for an alms that should be given only as a relief in the hard, many-hours-daily-lasting work. And what sort of lesson was given to me instead of a tiny alms then? If we go from one person to another and warn him about the evil being in the world, he will just shrug his shoulders and say, "Well, I am not to blame!"
Now, where has the evil come from in the world? Just people have of course, created it. But the evil is never a constant phenomenon in the world of existence. It is capable of developing. It has been unceasingly evolved in the direct proportion to how the people’s nature has become superficial and in ratio to their clinging to the objects they reputedly need for their pleasure. It is exactly due to this attachment to those things that people dare not resist the evil that seems to an objective observer to grow large and to menace the humanity in the future more than it does now.
The outer manifestation of evil is, however, not the inner manifestation of it. Its grounds grow from the people’s psyche, from their minds, and the sages know that it does well to turn the mind from evil to good and the circumstances in the world will change immediately.
It is theoretically not impossible to turn the mind from evil to good. Incentives to good or evil have roots in the characters or, better to say, in people’s psychic orientation or states of mind, and the mystic teaching provides man with the experience that the mental state can be changed. The mysticism is in reality based on the physical factors of electric nature, the tension of which can an individual change not only in himself but also in other people, because the existence on the psychological level is a compact whole.
The situation is generally of such kind that an individual is psychologically shaped by tension in the field of which people dwell on the psychological level. But the whole, namely mankind, also manipulate with this tension. The outer tension makes a motive factor prevailing without much difficulty upon every individual to a certain way of thinking. Subsequently, the individual only amplifies that outer tension, for he adds his own energy to it.
The psychological yogic training leads the disciples to directing their attention deliberately to their physiological essence or nature and thus to attain a certain degree of being not susceptible to influence of the psychic tension of the space where people dwell psychologically. Having attained this goal, the disciples of yoga are able to manipulate their mental states as they like and, besides, they can find out that the nature of the tension they generate within themselves meets with a response in other people, too. Hereby they eventually gain the key to the psychic power that is practically boundless. And the really good mystics make use of this power, or at least they are ready to use it, in order to change the tendencies from evil to good.
My life, the life of a worker, was going on. Nevertheless, I had the feeling that, instead of a relief, only more working load was laid upon me. I was struggling with fatigue. The colour of my skin turned green-yellow-blue and I was emaciated from hardship and distress. In addition, the suspicion, which the "leader" of those mystics had cast upon me, was not dying away. It was rather increasing.
But in spite of that, I kept attending the meetings of those mystics, for I was glad after all, that they were people of the same interests as I had. But the chief members of that society took me for the wickedness personified. Perhaps not for my deeds but owing to mistaken conjectures of those people. That would have been of no consequences for me; but worse things were coming. Novices, who had not yet lost their wits and thus they had not fallen into fanaticism, were trying to defend me. I was not happy about seeing that. It was just pouring more petrol into the fire. It did not take long and huge flames started to blaze.
I do not know how it began. One incident followed another. The mystical "pupil-leader" sent my boss a letter covered with scribbles and crosses, full of exorcism against me and my "cronies". But I got informed about it. In the evening, as I was putting my mind in order and trying to develop the divine light within myself, the Keeper of the Threshold appeared before me with a guffaw full of certainty of her victory. She came waving a scrap of paper before my eyes and said triumphantly: "See what I have against you? This’ll ruin you!"
I was grumpy and enjoined: "Let me see it!"
She let me have a look at the paper reluctantly. I could read just nonsensical things, so I asked her: "How did you do that?" She demonstrated it. She squeezed through the ear of the "leader" into his breasts and then she was moving there in the manner of the divine voice. He took note of it and immediately started spitting poisonous words on the paper which he sent to my boss.
The next day after writing that letter, the boss’ brother came to the workshop. There was also one foreman and the last partner of the company there. I began to fume that such accusations come only from heresy and not from the divine heart.
They were looking at me and did not know what was going on. The boss’ brother was wavering because he knew I was "clairvoyant". The thing was that I had told him before that incident that one of the employees, who "also mystically worked", because it is becoming to pull with the "masters" at the same end of the rope, had an "inner word" last evening. And I added:
"I did not find out what the inner hearing said to him, as it was too secret, but you can go and laugh at him."
So he went and asked: "Well Mr. St., how’s the mysticism of yours? Didn’t you have an inner voice last night?"
"Ha, that’s the devil Minarik who’s sent you to me, definitely it’s him. So what, after all! I had one. It said to me: Don’t trust the brother, don’t trust a friend, don’t trust anybody."
The boss’ brother came immediately back to tell me. I protested: "Can you see to what perversities such mysticism leads?"
He was silent and thought that there was something about what I had said.
For that reason he did not rejected my remarks but waited what turn the situation would take. The explanation came soon. In the morning post was the letter drawn all over with the crosses. It was too strong for them that I knew the contents of a letter that had not come yet and that even contained an imperative that I might not get it to see it, but I should only hear out its contents when the time comes for them to read it to me.
Then the moment came. The boss’ brother called me and took me aside and then, observing me, he was reading it to me. What do you think chap, I thought, you will see nothing in my face. --- And the words of the letter beat all nonsense.
"In the name of Melchisedech, I order Mr. Minarik to break his contacts with Belial… He is a bungler who has gained control over Udana and now he is doing people harm with it… I enjoin him that he and his accomplices went to church to Holy Confession and Holy Eucharist six weeks long and thereby they might avert from themselves the heavy punishment that should come upon them as fast as a train." Then there was some stuff and nonsense with a remark that I was not allowed to get the letter into my hands, and that was all.
"What do you say?", asked the boss’ brother. I was just smiling and replied: "Your leader will have big troubles with me. He won’t find me in the cosmos, for I know how to hide myself." Then I kept silent.
They went into a huddle: "He’s incorrigible, he’s must be a black magician as our leader writes. And our leader advices we must get isolated from him. That means to sack him."
With that conclusion the boss’ brother came to me again.
I asked him: "Do you want to do it?"
No, he dared not go that far, for I was a "black magician". But I became a strange person for them ever since. I confirmed that fact to them, because, as they were getting ready to read me that letter at a meeting in order to reveal me, I did not simply appear there.
There were some young people there and they were taking my part. I’d rather they did not, because it could turn just for the worse for me. Besides, as we were going home from the last meeting I attended, Mr. D., whom I had given the exercises against his obsession, asked them a question:
"Don’t you make him difficulties in the firm?"
In order to avoid their embarrassment I lied instead of them: "No, everything’s O.K. with me."
Meanwhile, a Sword of Damocles was hovering above my head in the form of unemployment that should turn up in the time when my quondam invocation is out of function. I could have been afraid of the future if I had not known that it is of no use for a convict to defy putting his head into the hangman’s noose.
So I was put on a par with the other employees who used to hear: "Go now or I’ll kick your a…" But they behaved well towards me.
One day the last partner of the company stopped me and said: "See, it’s no good to do black magic, you know."
"Who says I do black magic?"
"I mean it just like an advice, you know."
I went silently on. But on the other hand, I was sorry that one old long-beard, who had practiced breathing exercises for thirty years and had the Virgin Mary within who told him better things than the Keeper of the Threshold told the "leader", was prevailed upon their conviction that I was a dark, malicious creature. He just refused taking part in the "sending over the pious thoughts to destroy us", as the also-mystic with the inner voice came running to tell me about. So he refused it, saying that he had been given a strict ban on his attendance at that "divine service".
So they lined up twelve people in Pardubice and twelve in Prague and then they did their best to send out "pious thoughts to destroy us".
At that time, St., my first protégé in mysticism, came to see me. He was getting closer to realisation and learned many a thing without much talking.
He asked me a question:
"Aren’t those mystics in Prague doing something against us?"
"Yes, they are," I said, "They are sending pious thoughts to annihilate us."
"So it’s true then," he said to himself.
I put a question to him:
"What do you do with it?"
"I eat it," he replied.
"Well then, just eat it," I concluded my speech about it.
Yes, you foolish mystics, I thought to myself, he eats it and I digest it in some way, too. Now, you should see what would happen if we weren’t willing to do so.
But we could not eat all of it. I was beset by existential worries, I was weak and exhausted, and so I left something undigested.
The boss summoned me one day and asked: "Now, tell me, but frankly, do you go in for black magic or not?"
"Look Sir, if I told you I am a black magician, I would lie. But if I say I am not, you will think I lie because your leader has claimed that I am. And finally, if God alone descended from Heaven and cut me to thousands pieces and if each of those pieces read the word MYSTIC, you wouldn’t believe me, because your leader says something else."
"You can go," he replied.
He was utterly dissatisfied with that answer but was not clever enough to comprehend my confession.
Meanwhile, the very same people were involved in the "sending out the pious thoughts". Suddenly, just as the foreman was going by, I stopped. He looked into my eyes, shuddered and said, while I was uttering, "So, Mrs. J. is involved in the matter, too?"
"Terrible eyes. Just death and emptiness in them."
But I was already normal again.
Some time later, something began to happen. A break-up of the company in whose firm I was employed was imminent. The "leader" fell ill with painful inflammation of nerves. Mrs. J. became also ill, and doctors soon diagnosed cancer.
At that time I wrote a letter to their "leader" to leave me alone, for he did not know with whom he had the honour of doing, and that he could pay for it dearly.
I was told to be responsible for all that was just happening. There was perhaps more than those mentioned three cases, they said.
Their "leader" repeated them again the order to get isolated, which meant to dismiss me. But their company was breaking up and so their interest in my person was tailing off. I felt it was a relief to me, and that moment put me in the way of going to the boss to ask him if he could tell me when he would know for sure the date when the company would cease to exist.
I needed two weeks for an action that should save me from poverty. I had family to provide for, and of course, I could not work with the new firm because they knew I was a "protégé". So, during the fourteen days before existential worries should appear, I could make a mystical action to save my family from poverty.
At that time the last partner of the company told me: "You know, your wife was here to complain about your ill-treating her. Does it belong to mysticism or to black magic?"
"You don’t have to be concerned about my mysticism any longer, it’s a question of saving my family," I replied.
The boss was grumbling yes and no together. --- Besides, if they had wanted to help me, they could have taken me on to their new firm. But it was quite easy to guess they would not. They should get isolated and that was a great opportunity for them to get rid of me.
Then they left the enterprise all of a sudden and nobody told me a word about it within the time as I asked.
The new boss, who did not know our trade, was later looking at my hands while I was working and asked the apprentice: "Is that Minarik skilled at the job?"
"Why, don’t you see it?" replied the apprentice.
There was a man working there with us and – although I had nothing to do with him – he showed such hostility to me as befits a member of the Underworld. And not only in a platonic sense. He was feeding the boss’ mistrust of me and finally, he branded me as a spy for the former bosses. So they dismissed me for "shortage of labour", with simultaneously taking on several other workers.
I was broke again, this time without any prospect of help coming from the divine light that went out after the long time. As I had been in a better financial condition for some time, I had not looked after out home moneybox; I had had so many other things to do. Nevertheless, I had warned my wife against the hard time to come and had reminded her that she should housekeep well and make a small fund for me to have a "starting capital" for new conditions.
I lost my job and so I asked my wife: "So, how are you doing with money?"
She was in debt.
There you are, wife! And you say you love me so much that it beggars all description. Not only you go complaining about me to my enemies who voraciously snoop to find my "badness", but also you even face me with a totally insolvable situation.
Well, you plead reason and the feelings of love that make you say such slander. But the fate does not approve such an argument.
And so, deeply in my soul, it flashed upon me that enemies are not only outside, but also at home, behind the walls where we share our common life.
I was just ripe for abandoning the family. The only reason for not doing so was that I did not want to deprive the family of man’s protection.
At that time St. attained realisation, was given a job in the firm that had laid me off and was staying with us, so he helped us out with some money from time to time. I was striving that his realisation be as good as possible, but he was stubborn and wanted to go his "own way". I had a foreboding of worse ends resulting from it than which would have been necessary for the further life of the teaching.
He was proceeding towards the "Gate of Death", just like I went in 1926. I followed him to see what he would do. He marched fearlessly across the field that had been trodden by Christian saints. I saw their fates, which he could, however, only suspect, and that also makes the less bold people seized with horror.
Bones and skulls lied there, on the otherwise invisible wall one could see marks of prolapsed brains and, in the air, outlines of the Demon of the Threshold loomed, who seized the good people by their legs and struck them against the wall with a mighty swing. Bones were breaking, even getting crushed, brain was oozing and was sticking to that invisible wall, and blood slowly formed a crust on the ground, thus having made up a paving for those who would follow their steps in the future.
I was thinking: That’s just shows you, who are highly esteemed in the annals of the Church for your asceticism, adherence to the Church and Christ. But not only piety alone but also the ability to discriminate is needed unless one shall get ensnared into the clutches of those evident seducements that arise as mere emotions, so inconvenient for mysticism. The Church canonized you because you did not lead civilian lives but you were monks. And it seems to me from the havoc here that represents abattoir of the past, that it becomes abattoir of the present time now and then and, it gives the impression that it will also be the abattoir of the future. The Church did not know anything about your deeper psychic struggles, namely of those that are symbolized by fighting off tempting thoughts and recollections, which, in the end, hand one over into the hands of the Demon of the Threshold that will act exactly that way without any scruples.
However, you were fighting cleanly and you fell in that fight – not on the run. Thus, even though you are not seen in the heaven of mystics who pass over the wall of death without being endangered by the Dweller of the Threshold, yet there is something that remained of you in the air – a sort of a monad that will incarnate again, and this time it will be with a qualification of stronger meritorious karma that will enable you – if you try it over and over again – pass over the gate of death victoriously.
In these days belonging to Kali-yuga (black age), the human beings do not seem to be eligible for crossing the Threshold of Death in full consciousness or, more specifically, with the bodies pervaded by consciousness. The problem here is that they lack karmic qualities inherent to beings of ethically more valuable ages; this is the reason why people can at best pass the Gate of Death and initiation with their consciousness dulled down to the degree of half-consciousness. And these people of today become great initiates simply because they are able to remain in the body in the state of semi-consciousness that becomes a guardian of counteracting forces of this crucial moment.
Usually it happens that those, who are improving in the practice of mental introversion and are reaching in this way the critical boundary dividing the world of enlightening initiation from that of blind instincts and passions, are coming into a psychic-physiological crisis, during which the energies of the outer world are always strong enough to take man his last breath away at the Gate of Death. Those people, if they developed themselves by mind and longing up to the quality denoted as God, gained by that last breath a merit of a higher existence, which means that they appeared in some of the divine realms at that instant. On the other hand, those who still had to struggle against the tendencies of their hearts and sex got into the hands of the Dweller of the Threshold who treated them as I said.
An uninformed man could say to himself that the saints who were conceded by the Church had nothing to do with inclinations of their hearts and sex. But these imperfections are of two kinds, namely grosser and subtler ones. The latter can be removed only by expelling from one’s being, i.e. from the mind as well as the body, even the slightest traces of one’s affinity with people. This is a task that maybe merely a holder of a ritual initiation can cope with, and only in exceptional cases someone who goes toward the mystical goal at random.
The Christian saints, with only minor exceptions, belonged to the second category of truth-seeking people. That was the reason why they mostly got into the hands of the Dweller of the Threshold. That appears in the scope of the common inner intuition as a very lugubrious circumstance; only the most profound instruction of the doctrine probes and says that the fates of such beings are just temporary. The fate is regarded as disintegrated material, and the strength of karma, hidden in their weak instinct of survival, will furnish them with new bodies, whose chances of accomplishment are ever better, until finally, the bodies enable them to attain a significant success, namely the true initiation.
Do not think I feel better and stronger. I did not pass through that Threshold fully conscious, either. As I already said: I was dragged over the Threshold. It might have really been done by Christ who appeared as an insignificant young man and who woke me then. If a being of such appearance may be Christ, it must determine the Church on the basis of its wrong theological views. Nevertheless, I was dragged over, and therefore I do not have any right to call myself "great". Just "my ticket was simply drawn". Since, what else could it be, as I entered the mystical path as an adolescent without any atom of common sense, without any theoretical instructions and, moreover, in a bad social status. My meritorious karma was only that I did not begin to indulge in various visions, feelings and experiences and that I comprehended the relative significance of civic virtues and vices, and therefore I did not build up a ruinous conscience in the field of yogic morality. My meritorious karma was that the influence of the Church on me was given by that non-existent murderer-priest, that fate as well as people would kick and humiliate me, and so I durst not know anything. Furthermore I have no school education and so, in connection with the outer poverty, I felt myself to be the most unimportant man from the bottom of the human society. And in those very circumstances I found the base for my ability to sense in the invisible world like a timid animal in forest, to consider ghosts, gods and astral creatures of all planes and classes as one and the same devious company that are fair to man only as long as he, in mental stagnation and in total passivity, supplies them with nourishment, in the similar way like cows give milk to people.
When man, by force of all-comprising vigilance, shuts off or constricts his "spiritual udder", then all of those creatures will become his enemies, either demons or humans or gods. But let there be no mistake about it. They are his enemies only somewhat earlier then they would become hostile towards someone who does not constrict [the flow of spiritual nourishment from] that udder. Once the normal man’s udder stops the milk of the vital force flowing, then those children of the invisible world will kill him, analogous to a man killing a cow when it is of no use to him any more.
Owing to this, it does not matter how man behaves. If one becomes a yogi, he/she makes a refractory beast for certain invisible creatures, and for this reason they try to tame or kill him/her. If one isn’t a yogi, then they treat him/her like a governable animal whose time will come, in their opinion, just in the moment he/she stops giving them his/her vital force.
Now then, those remains of living creatures, scattered over the field of spiritual horror and virtue, are you saints. You lost your lives here, because you did not have a clue about the laws of the spiritual development accelerated by a ritual initiation. There have been only a few exceptions that passed. Wrongly instructed by the church, you knew just seemingly what God is, how He looks like, you also knew what morality and virtue mean and how they are pursued or lived. All that let you face false God and fake Christ who, naturally, could not save you. It is not even sure whether your God and Christ was not also one of those invisible creatures that were made up by the Phantom of the Threshold who treated you exactly that way then.
But all speculations apart. --- There goes the one whom I advised on his mystical path. Thus I rather looked how he would go.
I observed him very well, as I know that the resistance on the line towards the Gate of Death increases tangentially. But it was just his fatuous boldness, which was not supported by such a discerning power as I had, that could have led him towards a success at any cost. Yes, of course. His steps became slower and heavier. And the Demon of the Threshold in the form of primeval substance of creation got embodied in his chest to make him think that the Voice of God was accompanying him. I could not warn him at that moment. He would have found it unpleasant and thereby the matter would have become even worse.
He was already on the spot where the resistance lied on the verge of human endurability. His mind was working like a machine and was combining and calculating each step to do.
But then the resistance exceeded the human endurance. He did not give up but, on the other hand, he acted the way that he could not win either.
Protosubstances of Maro were stretching from his body somewhere very far along the wall that made a boundary line between two spheres of the invisible world. Of course. He did not know, as I had always known, that the prize lies behind the peak resistance, yet the victory attracted him, whatever it would be…
Then the medusa’s head shaped up somewhere and exhorted:
"Here it is!"
Of course, how could he resist the dare? He bore her body within himself and so he could not recognize it was no voice of God but that of Medusa.
I observed him recede from the steep slope leading to the Gate of Death, and was losing all my hopes he could still reach the so-called Great Victory.
He was already at the place where a boundary line divided the world of mysticism from the world of abyss. It was high time, so I called:
He heard another voice than the one of the Dweller of the Threshold, and that voice contained something trustworthier than his inner voice. So he looked back. – And as he looked back, I was disappearing together with the field on which the Gate of Death stood.
He was staring back, and the abyss, otherwise only very little visible, which he could have seen at that moment, disappeared too…
The less the man aspiring after the spiritual perfection or salvation gives up his human views the more the true inner voice and the voice of the Darkness are the voices of the invisible world to him. The entire mistaking of one to another depends on the fact that the aspirant believes in manifestations of the constituents of his being, which he has made, by means of his previous mystical practice, behave as components built from the highest material, namely from the God Himself.
It is necessary to know that the constituents transmuted by the mystic force preserve their former nature constantly; their altered effectiveness, emerged still before the conclusion of the realisation processes, is just a sign of overcoming the outer obstacles that hindered arising the real realisation processes. On the very boundary of the true and high realisation man becomes the same as he was before entering the mystical path; the achievement of realisation processes can in such case be compared to hitting the target with a thrown object.
It means that the bow symbolizes the ethical effort, the arrow stands for the mystical effort and the target epitomizes the realisation processes. If the arrow is on the way to the target already, it is out of any direct control of the bow, which means, it is what it has been physically. Only the target will show where the bow [really] aimed the arrow.
The crucial moment of the beginning of the realisation I am talking about is characterized by changing the reactions influenced by moral efforts into natural ones. That is why only those who see the previous mystical work only as an operative effort are able to distinguish that the "voice of the virtue" or the "voice of God" is substituted by the "voice of the Dweller of the Threshold". If they succeed in recognizing it, they will begin orientating themselves just by the signs of the place and that is a precondition for the "Great Victory".
On the basis of this explanation, the reader will figure out that everything is changing in the course of the mystical path, thus one does not go repeatedly through the same situations or the moments of actions. Hence all sagacity must be strained and individuality eliminated if one shall really attain a valuable and genuine success in his mystical endeavour. If these prerequisites are not fulfilled, the mystic ceases to be mystic and becomes a visionary lost in good and bad visions, or someone going paths that he will stray from in the end.
You who were after the success at any price would not certainly have said about what had happened – so I was greeting you with an announcement that you had lost at that stage, that I had called you, and so on. You knew as well as I did that you had not passed through the Gate of Death and so you confessed.
Why didn’t you fall on your knees aware of your smallness, but on the contrary, you persevered in your faith you were a great mystic. Of course, that conviction will give you many advantages of worldly people, but it represents just a dubious price that is mortal. Besides, that mistake of his showed its face some time later, for he took on to pursue, as an expression of dignity, the position of the Dweller of the Threshold, as the preceding one had advanced. I was, however, not very impressed by his self-confidence in that function, so I wanted to demonstrate him that his omnipotence of the time was considerably limited.
He was just at work and that was the most suitable time for the proof. He was sitting at the Gate with the fiery eyes and was sure that nobody would pass through.
So I decided to go and lead my wife. I was naturally not so stupid as to fail to know that one single stare at her would completely burn within her the light that everyone has in the chest if one has not entirely surrendered to the devil. That is why I placed her behind me to shield her against his gaze while we were crossing.
He was just busy, so he could not step up the burning rays of his eyes to such degree so that they could get through my body to scorch my protégée. And so we could traverse without any accident.
On his coming back from work I greeted him saying:
"So what, do you have the absolute power? How did you find my crossing with Ann?"
"Well, but she was under your protection," he replied.
I thought, "You should know that the absolute power would have never stopped at some Minarik. But you don’t know that because you play with forces. You’ll get beat because you let me and in particular Anne go through. It makes no difference when this will happen."
I warned him, but he did not care. In some respect, he took me for a fool. My poverty and distress made him think so. But that poverty and those troubles were not for no reason. They had a profound purpose and I always knew it in my heart of hearts. And as I had never been mistaken, I wasn’t wrong then, either. The harm coming from that misunderstanding resulted in our splitting instead of uniting. All "masters" and, even though only devils know how to organize. Mystics, the "virtuous" people, split up under the fiend’s slogan Divide and Rule.
I was disgusted. It was dawning on me that trying to organize mystics is the same foolish attempt as trying to bundle up sand.
The time when I stood on the boundary of two worlds and when I could protect myself to a certain degree by using the mystical forces was over. In this respect, all my life trials of that time were more of a sporting rather than fate character. I had in fact a lot of vital force that I could under certain conditions dispose of to my benefit. From the mystical point of view, however, such a situation needs to come to an end. One must attain living the mystical values in quite a natural condition that naturally does not symbolize youth with its excessive strength and vitality, but old age, the life of which is based on the ripened karmic values that are received passively. For this reason I also went from that moment on toward more effective trials, but the way of my hitherto life promised that I would get out of the difficulties quite peacefully to reach further life trials.
Oh yes, mystics! The mystical maturity will reveal its true character not before the vigour of youth has ebbed away; both young and old man can have this oomph. If the mystical maturity of man has been doubtful, then at the end of the abundant vitality, man will get into in the state of animal being, even though he has so far appeared – even for himself – as a "mystical giant". Owing to this I hold an opinion that all our mystical endeavour need to be aimed at building prerequisites for the inner stabilizing in the mystical interests, which need to become evident in unceasing longing for the supreme achievement rather than in usual pessimism or apathy of old age. The thing is that I know that the apparent tendencies springing from the abundant energy of youth will always be suppressed by the developed intellectual and ethical values that reside in the innermost depth of the being as latent dispositions, being available throughout the whole period of the youthful mental activity. I know that it is necessary to change these particular values and only then the mystical endeavour will be really meaningful; otherwise the mystical efforts can signify just indulging in fleeting states, however divine or mystical they seem to be due to their nature.
I went into the further life with that knowledge, and therefore I was ready to act the way I describe further in the book.
As for the experiences with the mystics I talk about in this chapter, I can only add: I know mysticism very well and therefore I am aware that only rarely a follower of mysticism gets so far that he ceases to be human with the instincts and passions of people who has no mystical training whatsoever. It seems, indeed, that the basic idea of mysticism, which requires unconditional eradication of one’s personality by the fire of discipline of set behaviour, lies drowned in abundance of pleasing theories that have nothing to do with life whatsoever. For this reason, most adherents of mysticism see their mystic practice in some exercises, experiences or knowledge of some sort, but never in the proper way of life, which burns the personality saturated by egoism.
Yes. I met with so called mystics, but they were in reality only people who just professed the mystic teaching. They lived their humdrum life and it did not occur to them in the least that mysticism means interference in that very life in the very beginning of their practice. That was the reason why that discrepancy between them and me was inevitable. They simply could not recognize that the theory and the practice are two different things and, due to their superficiality, they could only be overcome by the suggestive force that arises from the admiration of ignorant people, from the admiration that relates to a new and unknown theory.
Up till that meeting with those mystics, my life had been based solely on the practice. I had been alone and thus I had seen no point in some theory, the perfect [but theoretical] comprehension of which could have made me better in the eyes of other people. I was simply confronted with an unpardonable fact of my own imperfection, and so I had no choice but to tackle it to do away with it in order for me to be satisfied before myself, not just because I was recognized by somebody. Thus I came into the polished mystical life of mystics-theorists as a savage that was used to taking direct views into the harsh reality, I entered the parlour of diplomats where the life was controlled by the betrayal governing the heart but being covered by pleasant facial expressions.
It was a horrible reality, which I had expected for that matter. Therefore I stepped among the "parlour" mystics with a great deal of circumspection. And I was testing the representatives of that mysticism by suddenly and fully opening my heart. The reason for doing so was that I knew that the response to it coming from people who are not interiorised would be the highest mistrust and suspicion in general. But it just threw light upon the whole situation and so I could not be overcome with unclean make-believe in something that had not been, namely either the intentional or the unconscious. Under these circumstances I passed through that period without any harm to my spirit, and the experiences with those mystics were only complementing the mosaic of mystical perfection, thereby enriched by a lot of effective knowledge.
As for the mystic disciples as was for example the mentioned St., these can fail, since it is extremely difficult to remove the self-consciousness of the guided man without risking some other detriments to his spirit. That is why it is always necessary to risk something during their initiations. Besides, each initiation that leaves some good results in the life of the guided people can be considered salutary, and the results might be even too good if they meant a perfect harmony between the preceptor and his disciple. Under such circumstances, the holy dynasty of gurus is formed; in case of St’s initiation the proper conditions for it were not yet given.
Therefore I went on living to get further experiences that could help establish the "lineage of gurus". My life continued only for that very reason; irrespective of that, I did not need to improve any longer and could die already with a chance of great success.