Leaving the earth:
Before I decided to embrace all commitments assigned by the yoga teaching, I had found that I had certain weak points on the moral level, failings that were a warning against a downfall in my effort to improve mystically. However, I decided to persevere in my endeavour if ever possible. And so, two weeks after having bought my second book on yoga, I instantly said good-bye to my hitherto lifestyle. I did it by turning away my attention from the worldly things and by simultaneously impressing upon my consciousness only clear luminosity of imaginary emptiness filled with potential of mental relaxation. That change of "objects of perception" brought into my life quite different mental states than which I could experience by simply accepting the outer hardships. And although those states were not based on real things, yet I could learn from their presence that the true, i.e. inner bliss or suffering is a matter of inner orientation and does not depend on the surroundings in which one lives. I accepted it as a real evidence of the importance of yogic teaching, a proof that I obtained so to say immediately on my entering the mystical path. I was beginning to understand that the solution to life problems rested principally on emotional and mental discipline and, in that respect I stepped in my hitherto lifestyle very hard and absolutely uncompromisingly.
In addition, as I wanted to prevent the opinions I had received by my birth, upbringing and social integration from interfering in my observation, and as I wanted to avoid them immediately on my entering the mystical path, I rejected all my hitherto convictions and knowledge of the world and life. I no longer respected that what I could see was a house, a tree, or green colour etc., and I concluded that those convictions and findings were something inculcated, suggested, and that they belonged to the sphere of my false opinions, under the sway of which I was.
Sure, everybody can step in one’s own affairs in that way; after all, it seems to be simple and easy to understand. But as I was doing it permanently, my consciousness began to take a completely different direction than up till then. In doing so, my consciousness reached a critical state, for my thinking, feeling, and all my mental life in general came to a stop.
If mental life stops without laming the ability to analytically observe all phenomena and states into which one gets by stopping one’s mental activity, one will find oneself behind the boundary line of the usual sensory perceptions. On that basis I could, within a period shorter than one month, detect states and ways of other people’s thinking and feeling, and in addition, the same instinct as is present in animals developed in me, which enables to forecast weather. Then immediately I noticed that I could control the weather, which actually results from the very weather forecasting and is based on subtle changes of the mood that I as a yogi felt responsible to control.
So when I suppressed the mood that signalled rain or simple magnetic disorders, then also the predicted weather did not come. And to make sure that I really controlled the weather, I sometimes let the foreseen report pass and some other time I suppressed it. Based on that the predicted weather either came or not.
Someone told me some years later that my assumption that I controlled the weather was based on the fact that I conceived the intention to change the weather exactly at the moment when the change was about to happen. That conviction would deserve attention if one could not test the faculty in any way. However, I trialed it equally well as the faculty to read people’s thoughts and feelings.
I have to say I was really astonished at my first experiences from the mystical path that I had started by overall self-discipline. But I was far from being satisfied with those experiences as I was discontented for inward reasons and therefore only one result interested me: cessation of suffering.
Cessation of suffering is, however, far beyond small magic spells. Sufferings are incorporated in the human being, they permeate the people’s physical constituent (body) in the form of blood and therefore they can only be eradicated after the complete physical transubstantiation. Well, even my friend told me then: "You are changing from day to day." I was ceasing to be a man who felt to be heavy like a robot [NOTE: in original the author used the expression "like Golem" (a sort of monster, an artificial man from the Jewish tradition)]. My back was becoming straight, my chest became stuck out, my face was becoming sharp featured, my eyes were more sunken and a sort of psychological equanimity appeared.
At the same time, my working conditions were not altogether improving. I initially worked about 70 hours a week, then my workload rose to 92 hours a week. Simultaneously, my yogic effort and duties took at first some three hours a day, but later four, six and eventually eight hours every day. That means I had not even time to get a normal sleep and I spent all my free time trying to achieve concentration, an effort that I embraced as an entrance discipline for yoga.
Concentration is, however, not an easy thing to achieve. I understood it as a state, in which man must not be disturbed by any thought, feeling, incentive, recollection or by variability of mental states. Once this state of mind and consciousness is reached, a feeling of bliss and relief arises naturally. One feels happy. This kind of concentration is of course impossible to achieve by merely using mental techniques. It is necessary to throw away all existing "knowledge" about the world and its things so that a sort of mental vacuity can arise. This emptiness becomes psychological equilibrium that assumes shape of vacuousness if one becomes mentally apathetic, or [it takes] the character of analytical observation if one can watch it as a new psychic state that is relatively both calm and motive. Thereby concentration becomes a psychological question that no novice in yoga would be able to cope with. But what did I know about the problems of spiritual development? I had found the mystical path and in my native ignorance thought I had to embrace all its principles at once. In reality, the initial phase requires that man heal himself of his intrinsic natural badness by observing moral discipline, and put off all technical mental practices until a later time when bliss begins to emerge in him for moral reasons. At that time I did not know all that and I must have had a very good genius when I supplemented my mental operations with moral efforts, the results of which, however, I did not accept.
What I want to say is that, as a consequence of purifying the "field of consciousness", which was brought about following my renouncing the world with simultaneously observing the practice of mind concentration, I attained significant mystical results within surprisingly a short time. I was not able to properly evaluate those outcomes, though, so I ran the risk of stagnation on the mystical path, where I was coming through auspicious and edifying experiences. Fortunately, not even for a short moment did I sank into alluring mental relaxation, which so sharply contrasted with the previous permanent mind activity that was oriented to wretched states of hardship that I had experienced for such a long time. Hence I did not stagnate for a moment on one spot of the mystical journey, so my mystical development progressed very rapidly.
Within less than a year my inner vision [third eye] opened, by means of which I could view people’s lives and learn many things from that. Those who seemed to be endowed with affluence could suddenly be seen as people who would tighten their belts only to put fancy suits on their bodies. Others were tormented by all manner of mental states, but they did not let it get visible on the surface. Thus the lesson I learned was that illusiveness and reality did not go hand in hand. On one side theatre is played, on the other distress burdens. It is a horrible maze!
But the hardships I saw were only small, personal ones. Soon I had a chance to see a more horrible thing. A vision started it.
One day I sat in a park, fully self-absorbed to avoid sinking into the state in which the psychic life is shaped by internal surges that entirely escape attention of people who let themselves get captured by the world and hence they get inattentive. Observing and watching myself while being in a state of perfect mental quietness, I was capable of perceiving many things that were beyond people’s perceptions.
From somewhere southeast a dark red haze moved in the sky and - little devils were raining from that cloud. Many little devils; there were even as many of them as small droplets in a weak rain. And those little demons were falling to the ground like raindrops, but they were not landing on the ground, they were jumping down to immediately carry out the tasks they had been given: they were obsessing people!
I could see them jumping about on people’s shoulders, leaning to them and whispering something in their ears, which seemed more like speaking from spirit to spirit rather than from ear to ear. And as I then observed those who had been obsessed by the fiends, I could see their self-confidence growing more and more and along with it wicked thoughts, inspirations and selfishness flourished.
It was really a desperate situation. Ominous shadows of the future that should afflict all people drowned in worldliness loomed before my eyes. Nevertheless, they became also spurs that I used to stepping up my efforts to get out of reach of those omens? It was a situation where I for the first time acted actively, namely that I placed a question in my heart for the very God. I asked: "Is it possible that people escape the fate that is looming ahead of them?" God replied: "Yes, it is, if they become better." So I asked once more: "And is there any possibility that they get better?" God remained silent. I concluded that there was a dark and evil future ahead of people and therefore also ahead of me, and that the bad future would manifest in a bad sense in many ways. Then, for the first time, I felt pain in my heart, pain that did not arise from responses to my own woes. Along with the pain a desire arose in me to reveal and show people the path from evil to the good, a path that was elucidated in the moral part of the mystical teaching.
Stimulated by that vision I went to work mystically like mad. I tried to take into my consciousness my body and its life force simultaneously, and I was decided to immediately give those two factors a direction towards general calmness and harmony. At the same time I thought that if I had been given the chance, I would have told people what was in store for them. But paths of man are determined by other factors than by his wish and will.
So I concentrated so that I silenced my whole being in senses, desires, incentives and all inward impulses. The result was that my harnessing and analysing insight was getting deeper and deeper until I entered other dimensions of feelings? I began to experience pleasures of karmically young and morally unspoiled elementary beings, while some mystical powers were developing in me. But what I found most positive about it was that the pleasant-looking entities of the invisible world were friendly to me and that their presence aroused blissful feelings in me. Those feelings seemed to me actually a guarantee that I went the correct path. Since whenever I strayed from the way of my then mystical path of life, be it even a tiny lapse, then immediately the horizon was clouding over for me, and the visions I had were more dismal.
With regard to those results I could have lived a peaceful and contented life in those days. I would have been happy to just lead a proper life and not to make any efforts to attain further mystical results. In that case the environment I was living in would have been very harmonious and mentally uplifting. That harmony and happy states could be disturbed even by my paying increased attention to everything that was arising within me on the level of feelings, or by my observing all states that were entering my consciousness.
I could observe that whenever an undesirable state of consciousness or a bad feeling was arising, it would always do to just slightly focus attention on better states and at that very moment everything was coming back into shape. And once it was all right, then a state escalated, in which I felt, rather than heard, unspeakably beautiful music surpassing every harmony of terrestrial music.
I knew it was not celestial music but only that of nature; some time later I could make out that it was even no music but merely harmonically vibrating particles of generally active creative power. That made me conclude that it was exactly there where those ghosts, spirits of elements dwelt, that made the unmixed natural vibrations. And I was glad to have that incorporeal company.
If only I were not afflicted by deeper discontent, which, being augmented by experiences more horrible than can be described, was revealing to me that those pleasures were sensual and hence temporary like already passed pains. - - - So I had to go further. - - - The path I knew already. Everything I was going through then came only because I was erasing the inherited knowledge of the world, because I had become estranged from my feelings, because I lived in the discipline assigned by the teaching, and because I maintained my consciousness as clear as possible by the power of my concentrated mind. That was absolutely clear to me.
For that reason I intensified that sort of concentration; I increased it to such a degree that I felt myself in my body the way you can feel your hand in a glove. However, I had not the experiences of a mystic who lets his stray mind dissolve in the glare of equilibrium, so many times during the "journey" I had to destroy arising bliss of the real psychic relief and start over and over again. My effort was that of someone who grasped the teaching as a method of endeavour and not as a mental acrobatics and therefore I got to the so-called "side-path". I was suppressing visual, hearing, olfactory, taste and tactile perceptions up to their eradication, which I was doing by the force of the [proper] orientation of the mind and consciousness. By doing so, sensory perceptions ceased to exist for me. Then I heard some roar; I silenced it by virtue of non-thinking and non-feeling. Thereupon the invisible company looked no longer so friendly; however, they did not seem to object my attack on the spiritual. Rather, they looked less friendly just because I had brought disquiet into the tranquil harmony of up-and-down-going elements. But what did it matter. It was no longer me but just the object of concentration plus consciousness. And while separating from myself, cutting myself from my body, I was disintegrating the structural state of being that, as I know well now, coincides with the state of universal being. That was actually the reason of arising annoying sounds in the walls.
I wished to eliminate the influence of those sounds on my efforts to achieve perfect concentration. I heard the noises in the walls around me, but they made an impression of being generated in me.
What noise? It sounded as if peas rolled there, clattering the same way as peas falling down to the floor. It was truly an unpleasant thing somewhere where only "audible silence" should be heard.
I was concentrating so that I as consciousness was aware of myself in the abdominal region in the form of a mere point of infinitely small size. It was just an imaginary nothing. But this imaginary nothing becomes a collector of infinite energy, the same way as matter in the cosmos at a certain degree of acceleration can become a collector of a similar sort. - That energy, or better, the tension thereof was something the disturbers could not stand up to, and therefore they began coming out of the walls.
For the first time in my life I saw gods, the mighty masters of gross natural forces. They were stepping out of the walls as if nothing happened. And while they were standing in front of me, the unpleasant rumbling noise in the walls stopped. O.K., I know already. - "Get out of here, rogues!" And the gods went away?
Well, maybe this makes you laugh, dear reader: Gods in the walls - who has ever heard of such a thing? Yes, yes. Neither had I heard of anything similar before. It was much later that I was told that as some spiritists held a séance, they witnessed Christ rumbling in an armoire. Anyway, that case makes no explanation for anything. But I learned something else that gave me an explanation for the presence of gods in the walls.
The main point here is always the ratio of neophyte’s or chela’s effort to the qualities which, in order to prevent an impure samsaric creature, by means of natural reactions, from entering into the celestial realms, simply send out corresponding personifications that regard it as their duty to throw man inconspicuously off his right path if he goes it at all. If he traverses a wrong path, then there are no responses. I was, however, experienced in life, and up till then no mystical power or vision had not succeeded in persuading me that the horrible pain of the hard life would cease if a plaster of pleasurable sensory and emotional excitements were put on it.
Yes, you have maltreated me, human and non-human society, so you will probably have hard times with me. Anyway, were they really gods, members or dwellers of the first paradisiac spheres? Even now I can still see their bodies composed of fire and light, two stages of one single element, and I can feel their influence very well. Wherever they focus their force in nature, there arises what we know under the names "natural phenomena" and "magnetic storms". Their first resound in the wall is conditioned by the fact that matter, from the universal point of view, represents a suitable medium for a real manifestation of vibrations of other dimensions.
Why should I not confess…? I do not honour these gods nowadays so I do not even notice them when travelling through their sphere. On the other hand I do not do so because I would feel better than them, but simply because I had recognized right at the time of my first meeting them that they also were slaves of their own incentives, sensations and passions, although of higher kind than those of humans.
And the question if their feelings and passions are really noble? Well, what does it matter? If samsaro is pulsation that lets the instinctive and emotional level in the living cosmos ruffle, then it means that it is necessary to overcome the domination of nature exactly on the level of instincts and emotions. Gods of the lowest rank had not contrived to do so, neither had angels whom I also got to know at that time and whom the Christians esteem as creatures pure and high. So what is the reason that these entities bear visible signs of gods? They could as well be humans, whose existence in their next incarnation is a spectre for them the same way as for people who fail to conquer their passions; for these people a reincarnation looms among bhutas and invisible creatures of the lowest classes.
Analysing my attitude of that time from today’s viewpoint, I am aware that I was playing high in the mysticism. Well - was I really playing that high? I was, after all, a mere scream of pain, untold misery and the like, rather than a human ? It is like someone, facing an urgent danger of life, often ceases to be scared and does some foolish thing which the fools declare a heroic feat; so in a similar way I achieved the mystical heights only because I was in a predicament. Hence heroism is often marked with anxieties and fear.
I was, however in a somewhat better position then the heroes who had arisen from the bad situation of a certain moment. Therefore I could not be content with a dummy of emotional happiness that seemed to be inexhaustible. But just like those heroes, arisen from untold fear and horror, I also was to become a hero out of well-hidden fear of falling into the endless cycle of unspeakable samsaric suffering. Nonetheless, gods were gone, so I was left in calmness, in a "silence that I could hear". That seemed a good sign to me. - I actually recognized it from the fact that I could penetrate with my mind and consciousness the infinite spaces of many invisible clusters that we call spheres or dimensions. That made me conclude that my lot was drawn. By exactly having overcome the disturbances on the lower level, my intellect developed to such a degree that I was able to purge my consciousness of the subtlest shades and impurities of samsaro. Thus, some eighteen months after my entering the mystical path, I found myself as a point in the universal Emptiness, in the "third dimension of cosmos".
This dimension is a spiritual sphere. It cannot be found as one of the levels or sheaths of reality, because it is just a higher space of physical processes that are contained in that which is our world. Therefore it is attainable by means of an interiorization that must be comprehended as moving the lower boundary of the variation line of consciousness towards its centre. All this is accompanied by the faculty of awareness. It is therefore no special technique of inquiring mind, but only a psychological intensification that is to be looked at as a development of awareness towards subtler and subtler structure of our world that is immediately under its surface physical and farther principal.
It is only the principal world from which the one, who has kept one’s visual ability by the proper psychological methods, can view the play of potential tension, the play that turns out to be the gradual shaping of presages and fates that enslaves all mankind irrespective of the fact that people believe in their ability to shape their own fates directly by their acts.
Therefore the power to persist in the fundamental world with fully developed sensory perception is highly illuminating; only the ones who are able to stay in it under these circumstances can become sages, seers, or spiritual geniuses. Before I reached the "third dimension of cosmos", I had experienced some other things that were probably connected with the so-called "side path". Above all, as a consequence of sensory restraint, I attained spatial seeing and hearing. That seeing included also this:
While looking up at the blue sky, something began to form there. Shortly after that I caught sight of so-called air creatures, but no sylphs. I was observing them and noticed that they had their bodies woven of the air, they put on clothes made also of the air, took meals of the air, built houses from air bricks and lived in them - and they considered all that doing as rational and pragmatic.
I could not but laugh at the scene, as every other man would have laughed at such absurdity.
But God, obviously also not very much brought up to decent behaviour like I was not, was awake within me and told me [via the inner voice]:
"I’ll show you, boy, how it looks on that real earth of yours."
At that very moment I was myself at the same level with those air beings and, looking down on earth from there, I could see: Man, who has also arisen from earth, eats earth, wears earthen clothes, and builds earthen houses in which he takes refuge. An absurd situation that man takes for real and from [the viewpoint of] which he dares assess every reality. Knowing the "true reality" of the real world made me feel really strange? We think that the universe in her creative aspect is rooted in the nature that we know but, instead, the cosmos represents mutually permeating spheres, the creatures of which can always find the world of theirs as the basic physical one. This is the great magic of illusion that veils the senses of creatures of all spheres, those creatures that are haughty enough to think that they know everything best of all.
I was going another way. I embraced the conviction that the outer world was a complex of ideas and images pounded into our minds and therefore my perception developed to such a degree that I could view everything more from the central sphere, the shores of which were washed by various dimensions of the creative processes of the universe, and were at the same time bounced away.
And what does it give me? - Who has overcome the mistaken conviction that the world contains merely sensory-perceptible facts experiences pleasure of someone who knows that he will not die. He finds his personal (sensory) consciousness as a pulsating factor that jumps from one environment to another like a butterfly from flower to flower. Once he succeeds in implanting in his breast the notion of God, that lively quality that gets maintained by mighty forces of attraction, which resist the influence of time, then he will bear within himself something immortal in the individual conception, i.e., he will be in a condition which a slave of outer phenomena can never know and therefore [the latter] really suffers like a slave. As for the hearing faculty which developed through the discipline of senses, the most evident type was spatial hearing. I was able to separate my hearing from my body and to listen to e.g. what people talked about out in the street. And exactly on that basis I realized that development of the so-called internal senses depends on the restraint of the outer senses. In other words: if you want to become clairvoyant, clairaudient and clear-feeling, if you want to perceive scents of and to taste what comes from the celestial spheres, and if you want to acquire the inward sense of touch, you must observe absolute discipline of senses. You must learn how to govern the senses in their immediate (automatic) functions and, conversely, as a being equipped with senses, you must be able to plunge into yourself; then you will be able to develop the inward senses.
By the way, there does not seem to be some other way to develop the internal seeing, hearing etc. than exactly by means of the discipline on the level of the outer senses, with the exception of using drugs. It is just the suppressing of the sensory function that results in a sort of condensation of the mental strength that gets manifested in the function of senses, and as a consequence it goes beyond the limit of the domain in which the senses, not sharpened by the self-discipline, work.
Later I got to know mahatmas. A certain writer says they do not exist. The controversy about their existence arises in wider circles. Even Ramakrishna gets reportedly involved in that dispute and says there are no mahatmas. Anyway, what does it matter. If a mahatma is someone who appears and then again disappears by simply uttering mentally "I" or "I am not", then there ARE mahatmas. And when I found out that they existed, I became interested in the mode of their life. Their bodies, so strongly responding to their mental statement "I" or "I am not", their bodies, so pure and far from the physical structure of all we can perceive as matter, seemed indestructible to me. That was the reason why I searched to find out how they could survive the revolutionary changes on the Earth, arising and dooms of continents, etc., processes that were emerging before my eyes in visions concerning past states of the Earth in a figurative sense. And the Mahatmas were showing it to me?
I believed because it concerned processes that were strictly logical. And at the same time I began to understand that the question of immortality in the physical sense is in an altered sense a question of the right attitude to what seems to us, by certain marks, physical and what is not based on imagination. The question arises as to whether everyone would really wish immortality that is connected with liquidation of the inventory to which man adheres so much, and on the relation to which man shapes his opinion on what is correct, ethical and what is not.
Yes people, so it is. If I, or some other individual, became in relation to other people evidently immortal, the other mortals would take me, or anybody like me, for a black magician of the worst kind. I would bloom while other people would wither. Owing to people’s clinging to all that is within their "this-is-mine-awareness", I would be recognized by them as a man with no heart, as someone who can see everything around him dying without being moved. And finally: even the newborn of immortality would have to cope with the cognition that existence which is not based on disposition he has obtained as an offshoot of human existence, as an offspring of his mother and father, but which comes out merely of perception of the vital force that fills up the whole psychical cosmos in the form of the "breath of the Spirit of Life", is actually based on the robbery of the vital breath. What is more, he would have to find a way out, which would save him from the consciousness of his own danger from all pitfalls of fate, which ultimately force even monstrous types to their knees to turn them into submissive people.
Yes, yes. Immortality puts also ethical demands on man when the technical problems have been successfully solved. Hence there are not many beings immortal, albeit I think that immortality is achievable only by means of certain breathing techniques. But breathing is not a matter of merely man and oxygen plus some other vehicles of the air sheath of the Earth. I found out that breathing of a yogi is always connected with the centripetal movement of Manas, in consequence of which the stabilizing activity in the field of self-consciousness and I-ness leads to robbery of the psychic breath that is actually potential meting out the length of life of every being. Indeed. Who has learned "to perceive psychic breath" in the rhythm of [normal] physical breathing will perceive it merely from a resource which is in another sense the released psychic potential of living beings. For this reason - or at least on a lower basis - the prolonging of one’s own existence is based on a robbery of breath, which is connected with the real black magic. It is probably only at a higher level that it is possible to successfully perceive "the breath vehicles" directly from the air layer of our Earth, but this requires that these vehicles be transformed by psychic methods at the level of mental states. This is exactly what those mahatmas did, whom I met and who could not be regarded as black magicians, simply because they transubstantiated their bodies to such a degree that they did not belong to human genus; therefore they could not steal people’s breath. Nonetheless, this situation is insoluble for someone who still feels like a human, so we had better return to the biography.
At that time nothing moved in me any more, I kept quiet and calm and was able, by a slight movement of my will, to turn myself into a magnet of unlimited gravitational force. I perceived within myself infinite emptiness, into which I now and then put a blissful feeling in order to get a proof that I was still alive. I could feel well that my body had lost the animal warmth, and freezing coldness flew through my body, which worked as an invincible agent against two fettering dimensions: space and time. And then suddenly I found myself in the space of physical and psychical immortality as a Kechara, the pilgrim in the sky. Eventually every movement of feelings, mind, consciousness and senses came to a stop, and I realized: "This is perfection attained of my own free will."
I pondered: I got under control time and hence the decay that is recognized as a maturation to death. I also disengaged myself from the troublesome impact of space and therefore I got rid of all limitations. Well, I could already observe: I am omniscient, almighty, omnipresent and immortal. But I wondered about the perfection I had achieved of my own will. What remained in me was a feeling that I should help people because they had helped me, too. Nonetheless, I suddenly found out there were two obstacles here:
Well, greenhorn, would you like to be an authority to people who only attach importance to age? - I had such thoughts, which made me a bit worried. Besides: the question of perfection! I was well aware of the fact that I was standing on the threshold of the universe, on the brink of timelessness involving all constituents of my body, because the past, the presence and the future fused into one endless "now", but I felt distinctly: The state I was experiencing was not natural. If I had remained in it, my body would have adapted to it, but in that case I would have escaped from the world of samsaric existences. But did I really wish to realize the absolute? I wanted to solve my problem of the affliction that fate put on me but I definitely did not long for identifying myself with the absolute. Thus I had to wait what would come out of that state. But to be idle? How only could I?
I employed the same method as previously. But nothing happened. Only some dark space cropped up in front of me, and with a mighty jump I soared up above the abyss over which I was flying for a very long time. And at the other side of that abyss I saw three men slogging up a hill - a monk, a soldier, and a civilian. The monk had on his back a heavy rucksack full of something; curiosity made me check the baggage of his. I saw he had nothing inside. Or better speaking - he had a nothing there. And that nothing weighed him down so much that a doubt arose in me whether he would be able to climb up the hill forming the verge of that abyss. Later I met that monk also at the physical level.
I flew over the abyss and landed on some mainland. Small fires were shooting up the ground there, which lead me to an opinion I got to a dangerous land to move on. I checked firmness of that ground, and I saw it was firm enough for me. So I went further, towards a solid thing, the so-called "house without foundations". However, it is situated in the next phase; at that time I was where it is called "Visudha".
Otherwise nothing at all was going on. Well, why should it? Not only in the absolute but also on the threshold of it the time has no evident influence. But I should not be practicing concentration in such an ardent way I did, after all. But there was nobody to tell me. I had my inner voice that was giving me a lot of information, but those things were something I did not ask about at all and I did not follow its instructions. By the way not even God alone could know much about my situation of that time, that God-Creator whom I saw down there as I was passing by? But then something did happen - "Don’t practice!", space thundered. I stopped and pondered: "It must be some nonsense again. Nothing obvious is going on, so what." So I decided to pause, keep my position and only observe. And if the smallest gap promising some "further advance" should appear, then quickly to that place.
Space seemed to be charged electrically, and I was aware it might be dangerous. I had made an experience of that sort. Before the event with the gods, while I was a point and consciousness, my body was giving off smoke during my concentration practice. The smoke was maybe not visible objectively, but yet, it thickened the air in the room to such a degree that a fog was rolling in the chamber, enabling both me and also any not hardened mortal to penetrate space to see places one wished to see. But later, when that fog assumed features of electrically charged atmosphere, it threatened to kill man by simply stopping his heart. My friend J. could remember that very well. I warned him never to enter my room before being told to come in. But he did. He got a stab at his heart and could be glad that I had invisible hands that could embrace his heart to protect it against those awful discharges that are able to bring about immediate death.
It was a state of atmosphere, which in my opinion resulted from a fierce effort to stop my mind, in which I made use of my body as a support for my concentration. The point was that my body was heavy, giving a lymphatic temperament that responded to the sharp concentration accompanied by full vigilance like a physically effective evaporator. That made the lymph leave my body; it then coagulated and purified itself, until finally it ionised space, which appeared as if the room had been charged with static electric energy. And there were discharges of that energy against each body with negative potential. And that the milieu became a carrier of the force enabling one’s sight to see through space happened in my opinion because the charge of that space acted like a source of so-called hard rays getting through materials and having strong force of penetration.
That means that the evaporated lymph of the body is a potential energy with the character of electrical energy that has the possibility of behaving like a radiation penetrating matter and space. It is thus no abstract power but a physical force, which is possible to experiment and manipulate with, at least if there is lymph here that can be evaporated by the force of spirit and fixed on a particular spot.
Eventually, all lethal waters evaporated from my body and consequently the air in the room was no longer as hazy as before. Instead, it sparkled, which was more dangerous for the life of someone who had not been hardened with yoga; my body reabsorbed later all that electricity, which again resulted in quiet - of course, only when I was watching myself. On the other hand, I cannot remember having ever failed to watch myself even for a while. I was more afraid that my thoughts and desirous feelings could escape than of gods, ghosts, demons or Brahmas. And so I was moderate.
Later, in August till September 1926, everything was over. My being obeyed the slightest movement of my will and I remained concentrated beyond time and space, while nothing at all could stir in me. I purified my consciousness to the degree that, for the following 36 days, day by day, I was falling into a trance. The trance was, however, not accompanied by a loss of the outer awareness. I went to work and did it hard and responsibly. Every day at two o’clock in the morning I would have a feeling as if my spirit was swelling out. Suddenly something burst open and thereupon I peceived a new world.
A few days later all seemed as if I was going through a street of gods. Always on on my right there was something like a veil that obstructed my view in some way. So I began to tear that veil down. Thereupon one of the divine worlds revealed to my sight and I had a chance to learn this or that, all kinds of useful truths of psychology and natural sciences. But the motto has always been: "Forget!" - This simple fact could be approved by the lady whom I also guided across to the other side. Anyway, as a result of that forgetting of mine a piece of knowledge flashed and I returned to my self-observing, to the sort of concentration, which must be free of any movement of mind or consciousness, and therefore no knowledge may appear, either.
This should be a precept for all mystically striving people. They must not observe the transshaping waves of visual space, which from the psychological point of view seem like thought or knowledge associations; instead, they must strive only for emptiness of "mental and observation space", without sinking into a torpid mental motionlessness.
Emptiness of space of mind and observation must be vividly perceived and each single change stirring up mind and attention must be suppressed, while man regains mental balance and becomes quiet again. Otherwise he will never stop "bleeding" vitally", i.e. he will remain a weak prey to unseizable psychical influences and forces that arbitrarily reduce his biological time.
Within two hours after the trance I was regaining the normal state of consciousness. Then I began thinking about worthlessness of the teaching, because only the daily burdensome life seemed to be real. Then I was beginning to feel revulsion against the teaching, and between six and eight o’clock I was giving up yoga for good. But at ten in the morning I was sitting again in a posture of gods trying to attain the singlepointedness of consciousness. That process got repeated every day, thirty-six days long.
On the last of those days I resisted a certain temptation to abandon yoga. It occurred to me: "What would you like to do now? Give up yoga? - That’s absurd! You are absorbed in yoga so much that you don’t belong to the world. And to create positions in the world for myself? - Well, it would be the same effort as the one you had to exert to get to this point. So, don’t be silly and keep on working!"
Day 36, thirty-sixth ecstasy. - The veil was no more to my right but straight in front of me. I was going resolutely up the stairs tearing off the veil. Then suddenly I saw the god Indra sitting on the throne; both he and his throne stood in the way I wanted to go to get further. Up till then, I had swept each god, sitting on a throne showing himself in the galleries of the universe, off his throne; as a result some knowledge would emerge. But here I wanted to go further and nothing else interested me. So I went up and grasped Indra. He was defending himself and threw me down the stairs; however I had spiritual power that allowed me to pierce through Indra’s heaven as a pure force?
I got beyond that heaven but did not notice anything interesting. The previous heaven was better. Here was only nothing, a big nothing, but I did not feel I would have been finished with all the mysticism to the degree that I could bear in myself perfection as a natural state. Well, I have to do something about it, I thought. That was the only thing I knew for sure. That "don’t practice!" that I heard recently was maybe well substantiated. I tried to dissipate all tension that I could clearly perceive and to create such a situation that would have allowed me to stay in my almighty state so to say casually, in a natural state of thinking. But the tension lasted too long, so while I was neutralizing it by entirely different concentration techniques, signs of "poisonous touches" came up, which could later be recognized as a kind of flat cake lying on top of my head under the cranial bone. I did not like the influence of that block.
That new state ended the time of my spiritual development and expansion into divine states and feelings, which was in my consciousness reflected as a conviction, supported by life experiences, that I became a being that got over the world in all forms of its influence. I stood on the great boundary line of life, through which I was leaving evident states that were arising as a consequence of the stay of my consciousness among gods of all ranks and in realms, in which our empirical world did not interfere. It was also end of the sojourn of my consciousness in a young and ineffably happy sphere of ripening empirical phenomena. But I was not empty-handed on that turn of the time as someone who had been walking through life without duly observing. On the contrary – for the whole time of unimaginable expansion of my personal consciousness I watched from the level of the general subjective freedom all mental states including their causes, and so I could step into the further days with knowledge allowing me to bear all reactions of the Great Return that meant rationally going out onto the path of the final finishing with the relations which every samsaric being bears within oneself.
I was bringing back to the earth LIGHT that became for me a beacon at stormy times of my own future, a light-tower the foot of which I am reaching now, after thirty years, with my ship of life. And this LIGHT as energy is entering the veins of my being and transforming it into non-samsaric existence. Therefore the reader may not regard my return to the earth as something like a forced spiritual fall but as a logical advancement on the way of the Great Disembodiment. Understanding was actually necessary for that progress. I found as an objective reality the fact that my being had not depleted karma of the samsaric existence, and so I was confronted with a choice to take up a struggle with the tendencies of the being, which gives very little hope of success even in its highest form, namely when man systematically eliminates animal heat, so firmly incorporated in the flesh of human and other bodies. Besides, there was yet another choice for me, namely to delve into the life with clearly and unwaveringly defined radiance at the end of that journey.
I had enough time and possibilities to consider all circumstances connected with that question; however, what seemed to me brighter was the path through life, as I had been involved in it and also, as it was very difficult to change something about that involvement. Owing to that fact, my concentration swerved and I embraced the mental content that should prove to be the real cause of the realization that followed very soon afterwards.